Chapter 92 : the dragon

I rocked back and forth as gently as I could manage. I didn’t want to alert Emmet to the war raging in side of me. I had never won over an urge this intent to self-harm without doing something to me, from a few tiny scratches to slicing through my veins. I wasn’t sure Emmet would be up for me doing any of the above though. This urge had come on so suddenly it almost downed me in one go and now I was barley controlling anything.

 “What’s going on for you Mi? What’s happening? “Emmet said gently squeezing my hand as my turmoil become apparent to him. “What’s going on inside your head?” He asked softly he voice swelling with genuine concern.

 I looked down at my lap and shook my head trying to put across that I was fine. I wanted to tell him that I was OK but my mouth was so dry I couldn’t speak. I needed my drug. I was as bad as a heroin addict and I needed my fix and there was nothing I could do to stop myself. I was going cold turkey. I was going to go crazy.

 “What can I do to help you? Talk to me honey. You won’t shock me, but I might be able to help you.” Emmet offered placing his hand on the side of my trembling arm.

 I rocked harder now all restrictions braking, His touch once again awakening something. I bounced my legs up and down against the carpet; my breathing becoming unsteady. My mind was screaming now.  A seething burning pain ripping through my head and rippling down over my limbs, like I was being torn apart by hungry animals all desperate to receive their part of me.  What was worse was I knew what would sooth this burning, what would turn off the electric pulses that tortured my body. What would stop the shaking, what would stop the elastic bands that where being pulled tighter and tighter around my chest. What would silent the screaming in my head. What would send the angry animals running for cover I also knew the answer was unattainable even though it was so easy and near as well. Emmet was blocking my way to it. Like a dragon guarding a princess in a castle. My breathing rose to fever pitch and the pain intensified. I thought that would have been impossible. I thought I would have spitted in two from any more.

 “Emmet” I moaned curling my body up into a tighter ball a feeble effort to try and stop myself breaking. “Emmet you have got to leave me alone. I moaned biting the skin on the top of my hands as hard as I could. It was a stupid request but worth a try. After all did any of the knights in shining armor ever try reasoning with the dragon?

 “There’s not a chance of that. “ Emmet said pulling my hand away from me so I couldn’t bite them anymore. I cried out in frustration jumping to my feet and started pacing up and down the room trying to count but became muddled; I smacked the wall with my hand in frustration. Emmet jumped to his feet and was on me in seconds holding both of them still to stop me damaging them. The screaming got louder inside my head and so did the searing pain. The electricity swelled in my limbs by a thousand volts and the elastic bands around my chest became so chocking it felt like they were breaking my ribs. My knees buckled and I fell to the floor harsh sobs erupting out of my dry mouth the tears fogged my vision. The dragon didn’t want to be reasoned with and now it was torturing me for my efforts. That wouldn’t stop me trying again though. That is all I had left.

 “Emmet I screamed withering in debilitating pain on the carpet. I couldn’t breath. “Emmet. Please….” It took all my effort to try and make my speech eligible but a scream fell from my mouth as the nausea set in. “Emmet please let me! Just give me my razors! Let my punch the fucking wall! I can’t stand this. I need to! It hurts!”  I screamed again. Then the dragon used his final tactic to destroy me and held me closer to him in a hug and unthinkably the pain become worse and the need greater. This was going to kill me.