Chapter 64 : Reality is harder.

Mi

“Death is peaceful, easy. Life’s harder”

Twilight

Stephenie Meyer

I did not speak as Emmet Andrea and Jacob worked over my legs. I didn’t even take much notice of the blood pressure monitor or oxygen clip on my finger that the other staff nurse called Esmee worked over.

Blood pressures in her boots.”  She grumbled to the three working on my legs. “Oxygen’s All right at 94 but there’s room for improvement.” Esmee announced again before she smiled at me gently and rubbed her fingers down through my hair.

“She has not cut any main arteries from what we can see.” Emmet responded in his nurse’s mode now. “Maybe two damaged arteriole but we are managing to stem the blood flow well now, saying that she will probably need quite a few stitches and some fluids, If not a possible blood transfusion.”

“Do we know her blood type?” Esmee responded

“It’s in her records as she had to have a transfusion for her wrist injury, I believe it’s A”

 My brain knew what all these facts and figures meant but didn’t really care all that much. I also felt strangely indifferent to the groups of people talking over me like I was a hospital manikin they had done there training on. I was worth nothing else. In fact I wasn’t even worth that. Tears kept pricking annoyingly at the back of my eyes though I managed to push them away. I had no possible reason to cry, I had done all this to myself, my choice, so my tears where redundant. I closed my eyes wanting to sleep; the pain of the void in my stomach becoming too much to contain.

"Open your eyes Mi. We don’t want you sleeping.” I ignored Esmee even though her voice was kind and kept my eyes shut slowly going under again.  Unconsciousness was peace full, unconsciousness was a black non reality where nothing could get through the barrier of absolute numbness, and unconsciousness didn’t hurt. Reality on the other hand though was something interlay different. Reality was the red anger, and the irrevocable sadness that consumed my mind and body. Reality was the daily struggle for control. The daily fight between thin and beautiful and the greedy hunger my body felt. Reality was hard, much harder, to hard.