Chapter 67 : mealted... ouch

Being carried down a flight of stairs on a stretcher was almost as strange and nauseating as being dragged restrained face down through the corridors to the ECA. At least this time no one saw it happen, it appeared that Josh had did his job well and contained the rest of the clients away from the drama I had caused.

“How are you doing Mi?” Rachel asked looking down at my face as we reached the car park and they started wheeling me over the rough ground. The trolley vibrated so violently that the whole of my body shock with it until a tingling sensation overcame me. It wasn’t a nice sensation. I shuddered.

“Are you in pain?” Emmet asked catching the movement. I shook my head and we continued are journey to the ambulance. Reaching the ambulance Rachel opened the back doors and rolled me up inside before once again clipping me to all of the monitors. Obviously they weren’t what she would have liked as without warning she pushed my head down and pulled my legs back up into the air allowing me to witness that gathering of staff that were outside the ambulance from an upside down point of view.

“Mi, be honest with me now as we can’t help you unless you are. Have you taken anything as well as cutting your legs?” Rachel asked a serous expression across her face as she pushed her face above me into her line of vision. She didn’t understand, paramedics never understood. I hadn’t cut to kill myself I had cut to keep myself alive. Seeing Arabella had made me crazy inside, it had made my blood run cold and bad inside my veins and I had to make it all go away somehow. I cut to save myself, to keep myself alive, not to die even though I wouldn’t have cared if that was the actual outcome in the end.

“No.” Was the only word I could force out of my mouth

“Are you sure?” Rachel asked again as she raised her eye brow on one side.

"No. alarmed expressions on every one's face "I men Yes” expressions relax.
“Really sure?”

 God get the hint “Yes.” I snapped irritated.

“I think I might ask the doctors to give you a little blood test when we get to A& E anyway just to make sure,” Rachel said smiling sweetly. My half-hearted responses and facile expression obviously didn’t pass the grade because she clearly thought I was lying through my teeth at her. I rolled my eyes. What was the point of asking me if she had already made up her mind that I was going to go ahead and lie? What was the point of pretending I had any power at all if she was just going to go ahead and shit all over my answers and do what she wanted anyway? Was it just to make me feel bad? If so she had done a pretty good job. In the end wasn’t it still my life? Or had I been stripped of that title of being a human with rights as well. I swallowed the angry explosion that was rising in protest at the back of my throat and let the numbness seep back over me again. It was not worth the fight, it would only make her think I was hiding something.

“Is someone one coming with Mi?” Rachel asked the staff outside of the ambulance once again ignoring my existence as she went to close the ambulance doors. Both Emmet and Esmee went to step into the ambulance but Emmet gave Esmee one gentle look and she backed down giving Emmet the job to travel by my side.

 “I’m Emmet.” Emmet said giving Rachel a quick hand shake before taking a big step up into the ambulance and taking a seat on the green cracked PVC chair opposite me. He smiled gently at me before reaching out and taking one of my hands in his, rubbing the back of it with his thumb. I tried to smile back but the tears had come before I could stop them. His warm touch and gentle smile melted the ice cold numbness that had been sedating me though the pain, through the anger, through everything. He had woken me up and everything I was repressing flooded in the barricades. I had to swallow the scream that tried to burst out my mouth. He had made me the fragile little girl I felt like again and I wished he hadn’t. I couldn’t be strong when I felt like a new-born baby.