“She will be OK.” Emmet said to me gently, pulling up a chair so
he could sit opposite me. He placed his chair so close to mine that the edges
touched his legs spread over each side so he could get even closer, making each
of our body‘s mere millimeters
away from each other’s
.I rocked back and forth on my
balls of my feet my shoes tapping on the chair. I gripped at my jeans with
frantic hands as well while keeping my face in my knees; I was falling apart.
My cracks where turning into brakes and there was no way to come back from it.
My stupid lies where going to be exposed for all to see and there was nothing I
could do to stop it.
“You’re going to be OK.” Emmet said calmly making his deep voice even
deeper as he rubbed the side of my arm gently. It was like he was trying to
warm me up from an invisible chill; like he was trying to hold me together somehow.
I almost expected him to get out the sticky tape and start patching me up even
though I knew it would never work. I was in to smaller pieces to put back
together.
“Emmet. I’m sorry,” I whispered into my legs, I was barely controlling the sobbing now. I
wanted to cry openly, I wanted to sob my heart out with my head buried into my
pillow. Instead I swallowed the tears in uncomfortable gulps. Instead I tried
to carry on with the lies. They were what people wanted. They were what made
people happy and ultimately they were what would get me out of there in the
end.
“Would you like to
come and have a chat with me for a little bit?” Emmet asked stopping me rocking back and forth so much as I was now in
danger of rocking off of the chair. “If Crystal was here she would string me up Mi but I think you need some
time to talk things out. So how about I bunk you off of school today and we
head back up to dream and have a chat?” Emmet asked kindly taking both my hands in his and bowing his head so
close to mine they touched.
“No.” I moaned more to myself then Emmet. I still
had to keep up the façade that everything was Ok, Even though I was clearly not
as perfect as they all thought I was. I had done so well to fall so far though.
I wanted the lie to be true so much that even I tried to believe it now,
however I knew It wasn’t Ok and it was
taking too much strength that I didn’t have to keep up the game. So if for no other reason than missing the
hell that was Unit school, Emmet’s offer was almost too tempting to refuse, though to accept it would
admit permanent defeat. So after all of it in the end I settled for trembling
and squeaking at myself. Nothing made
any sense
“Come on Honey.”
Emmet said making the choice for me as he pulled me off of the chair. It took
all my effort to stop me crumpling back down to where I sat my knees somehow
unwilling or unable to support my own body weight. “Not even you can act forever. It’s time to start being honest to yourself.”
What was Emmet saying? He knew I
was acting all along? Damn it. I thought I was doing so well to.
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