Chapter 86 : Punching the reflection

Unprompted I gathered together my toiletry things and headed off to the bathroom. The staff liked this. It took them many attempts to wake the other sleepers and my apparent enthusiasm for the morning tasks impressed them deeply.

 “Morning Mi.” Emmet said cheerily from the nurse’s station. My heart raised a little, I was always glad when I saw Emmet was on shift. I flashed him a smile. “Am I all right for breakfast Mi?” He asked. This was another thing I had got from good behavior; I was allowed to choose who I wanted to do my observations with me at breakfast times. Emmet already knew if he was there I would choose him.  That didn’t’t mean I wouldn’t play tricks on him though; after all they liked tricks and smiles and harmless jokes. They like the words that were printed on the walls of the outside of the bedroom doors and now I used them daily in the stupid little groups. I would get out of there.

 “Oh I don’t know Emmet.” I said eyeing him up and down with a serious face. Emmett’s was suddenly very serious to “I don’t know if I could eat the Whole of you. You’re pretty big.”  Emmet laughed his glass shattering laugh and the rest of the nurses in the station joined him. I also forced a giggle before rounding the corner into the bathroom.

 In the bathroom I let my face drop. It hurt the muscles in my face to smile forced for too long. And here was the last pit stop before breakfast. I hated meal times. This was the dodgiest part of the day when I was trying to be super patient. Here I could very easily stumble and brake.

 I followed the same routine every morning with precision. First I would wash and brush my hair tying it up in a tight pony tail so I could concentrate on my make-up which was next. This did a pretty good job at covering up may scar which I liked. I liked it not because it made me look any pettier in any way shape or form but because it helped the elusion I was trying to create. It put across the message I wanted to the people who saw it. I was no longer beaten and battered. I was now better. I had no lasting scars. It was bullshit but it worked. Then I would verse the mirror and the debilitating power of a very angry Sophie. I had gained quite a bit of weight over the last week, sure I made myself sick after meals when it was at all possible but this didn’t’t really work, and I was getting fatter. I was no longer pure and shiny. They had made me bad inside.

 I jabbed my fingers at my love handles in exasperation, they had gotten big, bigger then I had ever seen them before. A huge flabby disgusting piece of bad meat that had attached it’s self to my horrendous body. I wanted to get a knife, I wanted to cut them off but instead I punched at them with barley contained anger, Over and over chanting the words fat cow in my head. These loves handles where now covered in painful purple black burses from all the punching but that was Ok. It was nothing more than I deserved for becoming so disgusting.

 You must try harder Mia. You have got to stop eating. Just refuse they can’t make you eat.” Sophie whispered her velvet voice in my ear. Her perfect thin beautiful figure twisted around mine in the mirror like a snake trying to squeeze it’s pray.

“They can make me Sophie.” I protested at the reflection.

 “You are weak Mia. So week and so pitiful letting them make you so fat and disgusting. I don’t know why I bother trying to make you pretty and perfect. You eat because you are weak. You don’t need the food. Look at yourself you fat cow. You disgust me. You fat pig. No wonder everyone hates you.”

 I nodded at the mirror and had to hold the tears back. I then proceeded to punch harder at my stomach and thighs with toilet paper stuffed into my mouth to stop me screaming out in agony. Any pain I felt I deserved, and Sophie agreed.