Chapter 65 : trapped

Thump. My body crashed back into the cold brick wall, this time I had not been fast enough to out run my attackers, this time they had me just where they wanted me, firmly within their grasps. I kept my breathing as even as possible though I had just run the perimeter of the school playing field twice and because the fear of what was to come built in me. I desperately searched inside me for the button that would calm my fear. These people were like animals they smelt fear and feasted upon it. It was here in these situations I had to become numb.

 Emily cleared the back of her throat and gobbed into my face. My stomach retched as the green spit crawled down the side of my cheek. I could deal with anything apart from spit. Spit made me sick to my stomach and of course I showed this as I bent over and started retching onto the floor. Emily’s pack laughed hard bending over in hysterics, some had the mobile phones out filming the drama so they could post it onto you tube in the evening and share it among the people who found my misfortune funny until someone felt sorry enough for me to report it and it was removed.

 “You’re a freak,” Emily said pushing me back up against the wall and bringing her face close up to mine. An involuntary shiver went down my spine as her breath tickled on my face. Emily laughed “I know what you do freak.” she said again stepping back from me and with a click of her fingers her “bodyguards” had me held by my shoulders.

 Emily went to pull my sleeve up of my school jumper, but at the same instant I snapped out of the numbness and started to struggle. They could not find out about what lied underneath those sleeves, they could not find out about my brand new drug to get me through the day. It had to be my secret as in all honesty I probably was a freak for what I was doing. All I knew was strange or not I just couldn’t stop. Cutting my skin calmed me down, eased my anger. Cutting made my days in school change from the depths of hell to a minor inconvenience and I couldn’t stop. However Emily wouldn’t see it that way; Emily would me merciless.

 I kicked out with my legs and struggled with my shoulders trying to get out of their grasps. It worked but they grabbed back hold of them again and forced me back up against the wall with another thump.

 “Get off me you bitch!” I yelled, still struggling even though the collision with the wall had sent pain vibrating through my body and my head spinning. “Get the fuck off me!” Emily’s cold hand slapped the side of my face. The burning sting made me still for a second and that was all she needed. She grabbed my wrist with one hand and with the other tore the sleeve of my jumper up. There underneath were the long red cuts I had made with my compass in the lesson before. The tears stung the back of my eyes as she dug her nails deep into the cuts and she started the chanting for the rest to join in. Making my head feel like it was going to explode.

 “Freak ,freak ,freak ,freak, freak