Chapter 112 : Don't speak

Ten minutes later Esmee locked the shower room door behind her and sat down on the lid of the toilet seat. I turned the shower on and breathed in the steamy water letting the gentle whooshing sooth the buzzing and stinging that ached around my body and head. Slowly I changed out of my cloths trying to keep out of the sight of the watch full eyes of Esmee. I knew what lingered under the protecting  layer of clothes. I knew the burses still raged upon my stomach, hips, thighs and upper arms. They were black and purple, a reminder that my body was disgusting and there where areas that I would never be OK.

 The shower was a cubical in the bathroom with only a clear plastic shower curtain. This is Ok when you’re in the room on your own but when you’re on red obs the person with you can see everything, but I guessed that was the point, Even though I still wasn’t sure what anyone could do in a shower where all the fixing where attached to the wall so securely I doubted super man could of removed them.

 As I was about to step into the shower my towel slipped from over my shoulder and I heard Esmee get to her feet with a tiny gasp. My body whirled into a panic as I stopped frozen to the ground the muscles in my back tightening. The somewhat stupid logic floating through me that if I was still I was somehow camouflaged, Protected.

 “Mi stop,“ Esmee said walking over to me quickly before getting to me and gently pressing her fingers to the ugly bruise. I closed my eyes hoping that I might vanish into thin air. “Mi what are all these?” Esmee asked gently. I opened my eyes to see if she was angry with me but she wasn’t, just concerned, the anger would have been better, less devastating to see.“Did someone do this to you honey?”  Esmee asked softly standing back from me and unleashing the devastating power of her coal colored sparkling eyes to delve though my soul.

 The instinct was of course to lie even though I had no good thing to tell her, to tell her that I slipped and fell when I was in the shower before, to tell her anything that would lead her off track. Tell her I was attacked by a pack of flying monkeys if it would work to stop her looking at me, but I could not lie to Esmee and the devastating power of her eyes, in fact it took all my might just to stay quiet and not blurt out what I had been doing to the reflection I saw. I suddenly saw the realization dawn upon her face as some of the color drained out of it like what happened when she was usually shocked. I tried to shack out of her grasp so I could step under the water but she held me firmly. I struggled more whimpering at her.

 “It’s all right Mi. It’s all right.” She soothed pulling the towel back up to wrap around my shoulders again covering the offending bruises. Her voice somehow instantly soothed my irritation and I stopped struggling against her and simply looked down at the floor. I was pathetic.

 “You did this to yourself right?” Esmee asked gently pushing a strand of hair over my ear.

 “Just don’t.” I said really quietly to Esmee looking up towards her again.  “Just don’t say any more. I can’t take it OK. You know as well as I do how these bruises came to be on my body and I will always carry the bruises on my heart soon after these have faded.” I said jabbing a finger at the top of my arm. “Now Esmee please,” I said tears glistening in my eyes, “Just don’t say any more.”

And she didn’t.