Sweet heart,” Esmee said
concerned on seeing my tears as she got to her feet and came to sit on the edge
of my bed next to me. “What are you
crying for my love?” She asked gently
trying to embrace me in an awkward hug. It appeared that my tears had surprised
her the same way they had surprised me. Why was I crying over a toddler?
“I’m not sure.” I squeaked rubbing the tears out of my eyes. “I know it is stupid, I’m sorry, I will pull myself together.” I confirmed to Esmee punishing myself
internally for letting my foolish tears take me at such a stupid time.
“You’re not stupid
Mi, if you feel like crying cry; I’m just worried it was something I did.”
“Doggy up, Doggy
up!” Mia suddenly
squeaked throwing her arms in the air and jumping up and down as much as she
could against the restraints of the buggy. It appeared like most toddlers Mia
did not like being ignored for long and Esmee had been spending all of her
attention on me. This realization made another twist of hatred for myself grip
at my body, who was I to keep a mother from her little daughter? Who was I to
know them at all? I broke up the world around me. I sent it crashing down.
“Patients little
Miss. Mummy was talking.” Esmee smiled
crouching down in front of the buggy, tickling Mia under her arm before picking
her up and holding her to her hip. For some reason my heart ached to be Esmee
right then. The whole of me wanted nothing more than to have Mia in my arms but
I knew that was never an option, Esmee and Emmet might have treated me well but
there was no way they would every trust me with something as precious and
amazing as their daughter.
“No mummy, Mia want
doggy!” Mia grumbled
pointing with both her hands over to the bed.
“Do you mind?” Esmee asked me.
“Mind what?” I responded confused, I had nothing on me or
near me that she might have wanted.
“Letting her sit on
your lap for a bit, she can be very persuasive when she want to be.” Esmee muttered now fighting to keep her grip
on the squirming Mia who tried to throw herself in my direction with all her
might with no fear that her mother might actually drop her.
“You trust me with
your daughter.” I stuttered
astonished at what I was hearing coming from Esmee’s mouth.
“Of course Mi you
couldn’t hurt a fly;
especially not a child. I would trust you with her life.”
The more I read your story the more I want to be like Esmee when I qualify. I hope you're feeling a bit better. x
ReplyDeleteThnaks, im doing a little bit better. CRT are trying to help me now and they are keeping me out of the hospital.
DeleteI am sure you will make a fantastic nurse, Much better then Esmee becasue you are a real person who can make a diffrance in peoples lifes. Are you planing on working with children with mentl health problems or adults? Sorry just intrested being a nurse is my dream job.
Glad to hear you're feeling a little better :) Hopefully everything will continue that way, i'm thinking of you anyway.
DeleteI don't know what I want to do when I qualify yet because every area is so interesting- I want to work in all of them. CAMHS, acute, forensic, EMI, rehab, community, mother and baby, crisis intervention, A&E... I honestly can't tell you yet until i've had experience in all age categories and fields really!
If you want to become a nurse I would say go for it, it's the most rewarding career you could imagine I love it. Don't get me wrong, it can be stressful and upsetting at times but helping people in their recovery makes all the times things go wrong worthwhile.
If you ever decide to apply talk to me first and i'd be more than willing to help :)
Look after yourself lovely.
Oh, and loving the updates as usual but that's a given fact really. I've never disliked an update! x