Mi
Pregnant. I had to re-read the
word looking back at me many times before the reality and the gravity of the situation set in,
before I realized that single word would be the most important one of my life; the
one that would change it entirely forever.
With my hand clamped across my mouth I dropped the pregnancy test to the
floor and turned to the toilet throwing my head down it as I was sick. Nothing
made any sense. Every action I took seemed like it was part of a terrible dream
and soon I would be woken up if I could only keep my mind. I could not be
pregnant, how could he have made me pregnant? What he was doing was bad
enough but now somewhere swimming inside of me with a beating heart the child
grew big and strong ready to be released into my world and I was its mother.
The thing was I should have hated it. I should have run away and
screamed and cried and demanded to get an abortion but there was still a voice
at the back of my head that first started quietly and then screamed at me:
“It’s just a baby, just a baby, just a little baby. Pure and new whoever it
came from, He’s just a little baby!”
It took me two minutes thirty seconds to fall in love with that little
thing that grew inside of me, two minutes thirty seconds to realize that I
would never feel such a passion burning irrevocable love for something ever
again. Just two minutes thirty seconds to realize that whatever was growing
inside of me was a whole lot bigger and a whole lot more important than myself
or my mother or even Arabella. Two minutes thirty seconds to realize from now
on my little baby was all that would ever matter.
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