Chapter 157 : The devil in me

Oh sweetheart, I am so sorry.” Emmet said gently taking one of my hands to help me back up into a seating position. I wrapped the towel around myself closer and chewed on one of the corners keeping my eyes fixed upon the diamond pattered floor; I did not want to see the judgment on his face, just in case he was judging me.

 It’s Ok,” I said in barely more than a whisper, “I deserved it, I was a bad kid, I tried to do things right but always failed. He told me that no one could ever love me, that I should be thrilled that people would pay to come and see me.”

 “People paid?” Emmet asked confused, the horror plain in his voice now.

 “Sometimes, he said he spent too much money on me. I cost too much to feed and clothe, that I had to make some money. So a few people paid to come and see him do stuff to me, and they could request things that they wanted. If they paid more they could do stuff to me too while the others masturbated and if they paid a lot more they could come over in private. It was almost like he rented me out to people.

 Did your mother know?”  Emmet asked his voice sounding appalled at what he was hearing.  I knew what I was saying was wrong and that this didn’t happen to normal children but still I couldn’t help think his disgust was with me; after all I blamed myself whole heartedly for everything that had happened. I should have tried harder.  I could have been better.

 “Don’t hate me; please don’t think too badly of me Emmet. I know I was a bad girl and I should of tried harder, but please don’t hate me.” I squeaked letting the tears shine in my eyes and for the first time I looked into his. I lost too many people, I scared them away and now I would lose him to, I should have kept my mouth shut, they were right.

 "Oh honey,” Emmet said taking in a sharp intake of breath before reaching out and taking my hand, squeezing it tightly in his. “This is not your fault, you have to listen to me and trust me now. What happened to you was an abomination, absolutely unacceptable in any circumstance and absolutely not your fault. You were just a little girl and you were abused in a vile and despicable way. You have done nothing wrong and you have been so brave telling me.”

 “I must have though. “ I said confused the tears coming down over my cheeks in thick streaks now, “he never did it to Arabella, don’t get me wrong I am glad about that, but he said he didn’t because she was a good girl. That she didn’t have the devil in her. That she made him proud. I tried to be a good girl Emmet, but I never was, that’s why I need to die, because I’ll never be good enough.” I whispered big tears rolling down over my face.

 Mi. Listen to me honey.” Emmet said gently cupping his hand around my face so he could look at me in the eyes. They were piercing and made me shiver.

 “Emmet don’t.” I said softly as I tried to look back at the floor however he pulled my face back up to look at him.

 You need to listen to me Ok. What happened to you is not your fault. You did nothing wrong, no six year old is evil. You were an innocent little girl that was betrayed and abused in the most despicable and disgusting way there can be. Now you said you can trust me.  So believe me now even if you never trust me on anything again. You have done nothing wrong.”