It took me about an hour all in all to stop crying completely. Weather I
was crying with sadness, or from relief that I was not losing Emmet to my
stupidity I wasn’t sure but all I
did know was my face hurt and my checks where red and swollen from my weeping.
Emmet continued to say nothing but he didn’t let go of my hand again either, A
reassurance that he didn’t hate me even though maybe he should have done.
“Are you feeling a little bit better?” Emmet asked once my watery tears
were turned back into solid masses to choke me again along with the bag of
glucose and calories that where being pumped into me via a handy vain on the
back of my hand.
“I am sorry.” I finally chocked out trying to keep my
breathing straight. Emmet let go of my hand and sat back on his chair with his
hands above his head. He raised his eye brows at me waiting for me to explain. “I was rude to you.” I muttered looking down at my lap.
“Maybe a very
little bit, but I understand.”
“Well you shouldn’t!” I snapped more to myself then him. “What right did I have exactly? I am so angry at
myself.” I shouted grinding
my teeth hard until I swore they would crumble in on each other. As a
self-loathing range began to take over from the tears; all emotions clashing
into dust and powder.
“You don’t like anger do you Mi.” Emmet commented seeing my grip tighten on the
blanket below me.
“Anger is dangerous
for me. I lose control when I am angry.”
“Then you hurt yourself.” It was not a question but a statement and he made it
sound like a normal almost logical response to something as simple as anger.
The trouble is anger wasn’t simple. It was insane It was ignited flames licking
at the flesh.
"There is a fire
somewhere in me and I feel like it is destroying the whole world around me and
it feels like I am making it happen. Like somehow the anger I feel is so deep
it has the power to melt and destroy everything my eyes touch even the good
things and I can’t control it. I
have to cut to get that back, to focus myself.”
I confirmed to the friendly eyes that observed me.
“So how are we
going to deal with it now then because I can’t let you hurt yourself can I?”
I hadn’t thought that far
ahead.
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