Chapter 123 : Fire and ice

I took the stairs up to the bathroom on the hall two at a time and burst in through the door barley clambering to the sink before I threw my guts up once again that day. Of course Esmee was soon in behind me but I screamed at her to go away and to leave me alone. I noticed her stop dead still at the door as I threw my head back into the sink and vomited again.

“Mi let me help you.” Esmee almost pleaded but I noticed out of the corner of my eye she didn’t move from her position. I also saw the agony on her face of having to watch me do this alone but I couldn’t let her come any nearer. I had to do this on my own, with anyone else I let myself be vulnerable and I had learnt that at the tender age of six that this was not a good thing.

 “What’s Happening Esmee?” I heard another familiar male voice ask from the door and I flinched away.

“Stay back.” I head Esmee shout pushing her hand out towards Emmet and at once he froze too.

 “What’s happened Esmee?” He asked again but this time more firmly, more concerned for his wife.

 “It’s OK Emmet nothing has happened. It’s just Mi, something happened when George tried to take over from my observations. She’s just really scared and I don’t want you to startle her.” I noticed Emmet nod to her but step around her into the bathroom anyway.

“Mi, it’s Emmet, how you doing?”

 “Fucking fantastic!” I snapped, turning the cold water tap on letting the spray splash onto my face. It felt good as the water mixed with the fiery tears that fell. Fire and Ice colliding.

 “Mi baby, can we help you?” Emmet asked gently edging towards me a bit more. He looked like he was approaching someone with a machine gun, or a bomb attached to their chest or at least something as equally as exotic, not a single teenager with no weapons or any fight left in her to do anything anyway.  I didn’t say anything but whipped my lips with my sleeve and retreated over to the other side of the bathroom sinking down to the floor and curling up into a tight ball rocking ever so slightly. They were going to take me out eventually I just didn’t want to see it when it happened.

 “Come on honey.” I heard Emmet say softly as he sat down beside me on the cold bathroom floor. I felt my soul crush into tears and my shoulders shake under the weeping; this was not the response I had been counting on. Where was the restraint, the alarms, the shouting?

 “It’s all right baby.” Emmet soothed again as he put his arm around my shoulder and I buried my face into his side trembling with my crying, my memory’s too much to bear, heart too heavy to carry alone.