Chapter 146 : Esmee i'm really scared

“Get the fucking hell off of me!”  I raged at Emmet struggling so hard against his arms I thought it would break all my ribs too because of the pressure on them, but he would not let go, and I would not give up. It would all end in failure and none of us would win; another pointless yet somewhat needed battle.

“Mi, stop it!” Emmet shouted firmly at me “I am not going to let you go when you have lost control like this. You need to calm down and until you can do that I am going to have to keep you restrained. Emmet said sternly even though he tried to adjust his grip on me so there wasn’t as much pressure on my ribs.

“Mi stop”, Esmee instructed flying delicately like a dancing bird back into the ward before taking her position on my legs to help Emmet with his restraint. I whimpered in my protest and tried to wriggle away but Esmee kept me still and in her line of vision, her face a picture of granted and milk, Strictness and compassion, the last remaining pillar in a collapsing room. “Mi stop, stop.” Esmee instructed in the same tone again making sure her gaze never broke from mine. Black coils of understanding finding their way into to madly stich and at the braking points.

“I can’t stop,” I snarled trying to wiggle out of Emmet’s grip again.

“You can, I know you can, and you also know we will not let you go until you do, you need to calm down.”

“You have no idea how this feels!” I shouted “You have no idea how much I need to hurt myself right now, or how much I am hurting, to you I am just some silly little girl and maybe that is true but if it is I want out OK! I don’t want to be a walking disaster, but no matter what I do I am.  So I want out! I give in! Let me go!”

“I do not think you are a silly girl Mi” Esmee said firmly her eyes suddenly hard, her expression tight as her plump lips flattened out. I had hurt her. “I may not know your pain but I do believe in it and I can see that it hurts, still hurting yourself is not a good option for you and because you can’t see that right now, I have to make that call to protect you.”

 “I don’t care what’s good or bad for me! I just want it to go away!” I sobbed

 “I know honey,” Esmee soothed in her musical voice as she came closer to me to wipe the tears off of my cheeks, her eyes returning to soft ebony as she spoke and my tears rolled.  “That is why the doctors are going to give you something to make you sleepy now ok my love. It’s going to make it go away for a bit.” Esmee soothed pushing a strand of hair behind my ear as the doctor stepped silently to my side and pushed a syringe full of clear liquid into the cannula on the back of my hand.

 I fort for a few more minutes against Emmet thinking I could make another dash for the hospital supplies trolley if I got away but Esmee and Emmet were to strong and soon the world around me started to spin anyway, my limbs becoming too heavy to move anymore including my heavy eye lids and I relaxed back in to Emmet’s chest.

 “Esmee I’m really scared.” I mumbled as my eyes became too heavy to keep open and I was plunged into blackness.