Chapter 119 : When you say nothing at all

 “No!” I shouted as I jerked my head off of Esmee’s shoulder and clambered to my feet the cold sweat beading across my forehead, my heart pounding in my chest with no rhythm.

 “Wowa, Wowa. Calm down honey.” Esmee shouted getting to her feet next to me and cupping her hands around my face looking into my eyes. “What happened there my love?” She asked gently.

 “I’m not sure?” I moaned rubbing my eyes blinking around at the surroundings around me. It seemed impossible that I wasn’t back in the kitchen lied out on the floor bleeding. I checked the back of my wrists still expecting to see the bleeding wounds but they weren’t there just old scars, deep and sometimes painful but just scars. A scar that had meant to have took my movement in my left hand but hadn’t. I could still grip loosely and perform tasks that weren’t too fiddly. Too bad something higher thought I deserved a second chance.

 “I think you dropped off honey.”  Esmee said taking her hands away from my face and taking hold of my hands instead. “Don’t worry I wasn’t going to let you sleep on me for long”, Esmee giggled noticing the horrified look on my face. “I guess you just had a bad dream.”

 “Well they aren’t all that uncommon.” I moaned more to myself than to Esmee. I realized I must of looked like a total shit head jumping off the bench the way I did.

 “I think dreams have a way of haunting us.” Esmee said beginning to walk again being followed by a complaining buttercup who was not impressed about being thrown off of her lap. She bent down and picked up again mumbling something to her about having to look after other people as well as a lazy cat.

 “Mum used to drink a lot after Arabella died.” I sighed walking beside Esmee again kicking the lose stones across the ground. “I kind of think that was just an excuse though; she never cared about Arabella. I think that’s the main reason she told social services she couldn’t cope with me anymore. She wanted me out. She wanted the flat to herself.”

 “She hurt you pretty bad didn’t she Mi?” Esmee asked gently stopping again and placing her hand on my shoulder which once again made Buttercup protest. Inside my head the words screamed but on the outside I could say nothing, however the look on Esmee’s face suggested I didn’t need to.