Chapter 198 : look at me and see hope

 I could have screamed again, howled out in pain but it wasn’t from the overdose.  The information Esmee had just given the doctor pushed into me hard making the hideous pain of before feel like nothing more than an annoying niggle in the pit of my stomach somewhere. Twenty three times she had tried to end her beautiful life, twenty three overdoses destroying her from the inside out. She had felt the pain that twisted inside of my stomach, she had thrown up the bile, ingested the charcoal. She had wanted to leave life, make it like she had never existed.

 “Esmee,” I winced another bout of twisting almost knocking me off of my train of thought but nothing mattered as much as knowing why,  what horror made her choice this agonizing death over life, what monster had stolen her heart?

 “it’s OK my love, the doctor is going to get you some pain killers now and some anti-sickness so it will become easier for you to rest OK, it will just be a little bit longer, you just have to hold on and be brave. “I promise It will go away soon.”

 “Twenty three times.” I moaned, my body still shivering violently under the mountain of blankets, “You did this twenty three times and you are here comforting me. The pain you must have felt.” I groaned clutching at my stomach as I tried once again not to cry out at the pain, it still didn’t matter as much as she did.

 “Mi my love that was my old life; a life when I felt a lot like you do now, A life where I hid all the things that hurt me and took them out on myself, but I learnt over time that that was no way to live and I fought hard and I got better so I don’t want you to be scared  I want you to look at me and see what I have become, not what I was, you need to look at me and see hope because what I am now is something that I am proud of.”