Chapter 184 : For them i weep

I could barely walk as I finished off the rest of the tablets but knew I was dangerously close to being late for Emmet and Esmee and that wasn’t what I wanted. The plan was to act normal and pretend I was still happy that nothing had changed and I suppose in a way I was. The day had been one of the best days of my stupid little life. I was happy and I never felt more wanted and that was the other reason why it should be my last day too. It in a strange way it would be a perfect ending to it.

 I couldn’t feel any sicker as I made my way stumbling and tripping towards the park that was just off to the right at the end of the street I was on. I knew I Must have been bleeding heavily as I could feel the warm drips of ruby liquid beginning to dribble down my legs. I wanted to fall to the ground shivering curled up into a ball but it would ruin the end; it would ruin my last day. 

 It seemed almost strange as I breathed in and out, counting each one in my foggy brain. It was weird knowing that I was dying but no one else around me knew it. Over two hundred paracetamol and a hundred ibuprofen  now battered around somewhere inside my stomach while acid acted upon them to turn them into poison, the paracetamol would attack my liver without mercy and then it would fail and I would die.  The death would be painful, I would vomit and bleed but at the end I would be dead and gone. The ibuprofen would cause the pain the vomiting and the seizures. I wanted it to hurt so the world could see how destroyed the soul was I was killing.

 it would be the last time I ever walked down this familiar city street. The last time I heard the noises around me and smell all the smells. It was sad but a happy sadness. The world had hurt me lots and it felt like if there was a god he had given up on me a long time ago. Emmet and Esmee were the only people in my life who had cared about me, the only two people bar my precious A bell who showed me love and respect and it was for Emmet and Esmee that I now wept. They were the only people it would hurt me to lose.