Chapter 176 : Caught

Before I got more than a few steps away so I could step into the traffic an arm looped around my waist distracted me and as it powerfully dragged my feet back through the crowds. The intention was to scream out but as always in situations when I was the most terrified I remained silent. Silence made the time pass quicker. It was the most brutal last stand against an attacker when your voice had dried up from the screaming; when you had decided whatever was going to happen would happen it paid to keep your lips shut. They had all enjoyed my pain, they all feasted of tears but with my silence they lost that bit, they had me but not my soul, that was flying away to a better place.

"Where were you going?” Emmet asked as he pulled me in close to the side of him and Esmee took her position squashing me in-between them both, a semi made up restraint for the rough world that lived outside of apple gate house. I was glad it was only him holding onto me though it meant the initial danger had past, he wouldn’t hurt me, he was the only person in the world that I could say that with any conviction about.

 “I wasn’t going anywhere,” I lied trying to shake the image of moving traffic out the front of my head, “I got knocked by people.”

 “Well that isn’t true for a start. I didn’t come down on yesterday’s banana boat Mi I had my eye on you the hole time and you’re the one who walked away from us which is fine of course as we are meant to be shopping but it would be nice if you told us where you were planning to go. What’s going on Mi?”  Esmee asked.

If there was an answer to the last question everything would have been easy. I would have not been in apple gate house and the world around me would have made sense mostly because my previous destination wouldn’t have been under the bonnet of a passing Peugeot but into one of the discount clothing stores that stood in front of me.

 “What do you want me to say?” I asked trying to concentrate on Esmee’s eyes as they drilled there way somewhere into the center of my soul. She was trying to find the answers that in reality must have been in there somewhere but I had lost them somewhere that was dark and quit; somewhere the light couldn’t get in.

 “I need you to truthfully tell me weather this is too much for you. Weather you feel safe enough to be outside of the secure hospital environment. Or weather we need to go back. We made the decision that you were ready without you and we really shouldn’t have done that. You must tell us if you’re ready.”

 I just took a few steps away from you, just so I could breathe a little bit. Have you seen the way you look at each other lately? Or the way you kiss each other it’s excruciating, beautiful but excruciating. I will never have that; no one has ever loved me like that and… Look I’m sorry, it was mistake and I promise I have learnt from it. I won’t try and walk away from you again. can we please just do some shopping now… Please.” I practically begged

 “Ok,” Esmee said gently taking my hand into hers and squeezing it tightly seeing the desperation in my eyes. “ It’s your day today but you must tell us if you are finding things hard or make you uncomfortable we are here to help you.”