Chapter 173 : Always your little baby boy

“It’s OK sweet heart,” Esmee said to me gently taking hold of my hands as the involuntary tears made my whole body shudder as they fell silently but forcefully from my eyes dripping to the ground below. I wanted to stop but I couldn’t I still missed him and I still wish I could of gone with him, or even better instead of him, into the ground sleeping forever.

“Your right Mi it is really terrible and completely unthinkable, one of the worse things a woman will ever have to go though in the world I’m not sure how I survived it and to be honest there were times when I thought I didn’t even want to.” Esmee whispered gently before moving closer to me on the bench and putting her arm over my shoulders leaning closer to me. “I know what happened to you Mi it is written in you records because you were really seriously ill as well, there was a lot of blood loss which they couldn’t stop and you spent some time in intensive care, it was horrific and I am so sorry that you had to go through that, you can always talk to me though Mi if you ever feel you need to. I can’t change what happened to you, I wish I could, you’ve been hurt too much but I can listen and I don’t feel your pain it’s different for everyone but I understand it.”

“I thought he was forgotten.” I said looking up into Esmee’s eyes with my tear streaked face and almost smiled, I was of course still sad but it somehow seemed better now that he was written somewhere and whoever read it would know he was there that he lived inside of me for 21 short weeks, that once upon a time I was going to be a mother to a beautiful bouncing baby boy and no matter what people thought he was important.

“I thought he was just taken away and no one ever new after I left the hospital without him, bump gone, hope gone, my future gone, they told me a 13 year old wouldn’t be hit as heard by a miss carriage of an unplanned baby but did they really know, and why was it OK that he was forgotten? I had loved him too, more than anything else. He gave my life meaning and then it was stolen again and I was left  surfing somewhere through the static.

“He will never be forgotten Mi and it doesn’t need to be written in a file to make him real,  you loved him and you remember him so he will be alive for ever, he will live in there.” Esmee said gently reaching out and placing her right hand over my heart with a smile “He will always be your little baby boy.”