Chapter 192 : Charcoal: Great for drawing with, not so good to ingest

“Why are you doing this to me?” I shouted as Esmee slipped a plastic apron and approached me with a syringe full of the black liquid posed in her right hand. “Do you enjoy torturing me?” I wailed even though I instantly regretted asking. Any fool could see that Esmee was far from enjoying herself. Her normal peaches and cream complexion had turned ashen and her hands trembled slightly. The soft smile was gone from her lips and her beautiful Ebony eyes were darker and solid. She hated me and I couldn’t blame her.

 “I don’t want to do this Mi.” Esmee moaned swallowing hard as a blob of the blackness landed on one of her gloves and she wiped it away smearing it,. She looked like she was about to throw up at any second. “Just drink it and I won’t have to force you. Down in one and then lost of water. Pleas Mi don’t make me do this.” She almost begged.

 Her words were tempting, almost in a serenade and I didn’t want to hurt her anymore. She made it sound like the charcoal wouldn’t taste so bad, like it would help me. She wanted me to live but I wanted to die and that was stronger than her or anybody else. I would not succumb to the sirens call.

 “I won’t do it.”

 “I hate my fucking Job.” Esmee moaned in brief protest to herself and then she was on me cupping my head with one hand before plunging the syringe between my clenched lips and down to the back of my throat before pressing the plunger and releasing the darkness to the inside of my mouth to ravish every one of my taste buds sending it running for cover.

 The blackness got everywhere as I tried to struggle away and another nurse grabbed hold both of my hands to stop me yanking the syringe off of Esmee. I tried not to swallow but I had no choice unless I wanted to choke on it and soon it was going everywhere exploding from the edges of my mouth and dribbling down over the side of my neck across Esmee’s hands and into her apron. She tried to sooth me but I could not hear the words that she spoke or clearly see her face even, I knew she looked gray and I knew her eyes screamed and me to stop fighting her but it felt like I had no chose in the same way she felt like she had no choice but to carry on pushing the stuff in.

 The charcoal came up as quickly as it went down and before Esmee could even finish the first syringe it came back up like a fountain spraying out of my mouth and nose landing over the bed sheets, Esmee and the nurse holding my hands before either one of the nurses had time to reach for a bowl, needless to say it tasted worse on its way up then it did down and I yelled, crying harder than I ever wanted to at the embarrassment. It was meant to have been easy, pretty even but end of a life wasn’t pretty or natural. The body fort to survive, it evacuated toxins in any way it knew how. It made clots to stop the bleeding. Bones would find the quickest ways to heal them self. It made scar tissue. In the face of violence towards it, it would become violent. It was amazing, yet excruciating.

 “Oh lovely, I see we’re making progress here,” I heard Emmet say as his blurry figure entered into my field of vision, “I got to say, black isn’t your color Mi, nor yours, he said turning to Esmee with a smile.  I practically screamed at him, the feelings too much to contain inside me. He couldn’t make them go away but I couldn’t suffer them in silence either. He toke my hand into his with no regard to the blood vomit or charcoal that stained it and squeezed tightly, his face soft, “I’m sorry, that was insensitive, a bad time for jokes.”

 “We Got one more of these to go down my love,” Esmee said her voice stiff, “take it willingly for me,” She begged. Stubbornly I turned my face away holding my hands in front of my mouth. “Emmet can you hold her hands please?” Esmee asked her voice cracking with tears and her shoulders shaking as she turned her head away from me. I kept doing the unforgivable, I kept causing the tears.

 “It’s all right Esmee, why don’t you go and wash up or get some water or something, I can do the rest.” Emmet said getting to his feet and taking the syringe from her hand Just before Esmee darted from the room.