Chapter 185 : Worth livinng for ( In a diffrent world)

I smiled as I walked into the park and saw Emmet pushing a squealing Mia in the swings her ginger hair flying gracefully behind her in the wind along with the ends of her skirt. I had made it there just on time to not be late which was no easy task as it now felt like my whole body was trying to walk on water and every little movement was causing the familiar black spots to erupt over my vision. I was losing a lot of blood, the cuts hadn’t stopped bleeding and I was in hurry to make them. Bleeding was good it marked that somewhere through all the mayhem I was still human

 Through hazy eyes I saw Esmee sat down on a bench at the other end of the park and I started to make my way over to her concentrating hard to keep the nausea contained to my stomach and my reluctant feet walking in a straight line. I would be sick. I had no choice it was a body’s reaction to try and get rid of the things that were poisoning it but I had to hold on as much as I could. The more poison in my blood stream that better.

 Esmee had not seen me yet, her eyes were fixed permanently on Mia; her face set into a huge smile as she watched her daughter fly gracefully though the air.  It was easy to see that Esmee’s love for her daughter was intense, a passion as strong as the burning sky above. She adored the little girl that flew high with her hands in the air more then she adored life itself. She worshiped every tiny finger and every little toe and would sooner throw herself off a cliff than see any harm come to her. My heart ached with a hollow burning pain for someone to love me like that, for someone to care for me just a quarter as much as Esmee cared for her, but no one ever had and no one ever would.

 “Hay there Kiddo!” Esmee said smiling as I reached the bench and sat down next to her, my stomach lurching towards my throat in a protest to the poison that was now swimming around it destroying everything.

 "Did you have a good time out there on you own?” Esmee asked smiling over at me, my heat ached as I tried to return the smile to her because part of me knew that I would never see it again and without really realizing I took hold of Esmee’s hand and squeezed it tight, the tears welling up in my eyes as the nausea rolled in my tummy.

"Are you Ok honey? you look a bit sad."

 “I’m fine." I reassured swallowing hard against the bile that shed up in a lump at the back of my throat and swallowing the tears that surfaced in my eyes. In another time and another place she might have been worth living for but not now not after what he had done to me. Life hurt and I was flawed. He would always find me and I would never be safe.