Chapter 46 : The knocking at the door

I retreated out from the clinic room and back up the flight of stairs into the bathroom as fast as my feet could carry me. I did not need to make myself sick as the strange sense of hunger that I had denied to feed was floating in my stomach still but this was a habit that I just could not kick. I turned the bath taps on and felt myself suddenly calmer by the sound of the comforting rushing water. The steam refreshed my face and after a few seconds of calm breathing I took my position by the toilet and bent over willing myself to be sick.

 It had been a long time since I had to put my figures down the back of my throat to start the retching, but since I had not had anything to eat I decided I should give myself a bit of a head start and inserted my fingers into my throat hanging them just over my gag reflex.

It took a while to get the retching started and for a while I wished I had took the long way around and got my puking toothbrush or my bead in a string from to make the job easier. However when the retching did start it started badly, pulling every muscle in my fragile body. My stomach protested with splitting pain and so did my chest. My eyes watered uncontrollably half from the horrendous pulling and half threw the tears I couldn’t stop and then I was sick. Sick until all I could see in the toilet was bright red. My whole body ached to stop but my frenzied mind pushed me onwards. I had no idea what I was gaining by this but I had to be gaining something or surly I would be able to stop, but something in me refused to.

I pushed my fingers back down my angry sore throat again until brilliant red splattered up the side of the toilet bowl. I heaved again and more red joined it resting on top of the bile that had been forced to rise in the absence of any food.  My world started to spin then so I gripped on to the edge of the toilet for dear life leaving bloody finger marks on the side. I put my head down on the cool porcelain rim of the bowl and tried to steady my breathing, but now my chest protested angrily at every breath, my heart flopping and thudding off beat somewhere through my chest. For a few moments I thought I was going to die, but my frantic heart soon calmed down. Then come the frantic knocking on the door.