Chapter 29 : Control (Or the lack of it)

Ingrid and the other woman advanced towards my bed and wound their body’s around me holding onto different bits. Invading every bit. I shook; unable to do anything else. Just shake and whimper like a cold and wet lost puppy. After they got into their positions and they were happy with them Ingrid started to talk. I knew she didn’t mean it but the words were condescending and cold to hear, Like she was talking to a child having a temper tantrum. Maybe she was right, maybe that’s what it was. I was a stupid child moaning and having a tantrum because I didn’t want to eat. A child that needed strict punishment.

“Mi we had to restrain you because we can’t let you hurt yourself Ok. Once you are in better control we will let you go. If you can’t manage that we will have to put you into the ECA."

I didn’t even know what that was. Was I meant too? What I did know was in this context it was being used as a threat so it couldn’t be good. I couldn‘t win.

Another pathetic whine echoed from my lungs, but somehow I had lost all the fight in me. All there was now was my shaking and heavy breathing. Of course there was the other three as well but they had converged together as one to form the cast iron restraint around me, like a well organized machine stuck in humans clothing.

“I’m sorry Mi, I really am. I can see you’re terrified but we have to do this. We are safe though, we are safe people and we wont hurt you.” Ingrid’s voice tried to sooth but there was nothing she could do. I knew this was what my life had become. This was all I had now and I knew at the first chance I wanted out. Living like this just wasn’t enough for me. Greedy cow.

“Please…please,” I shuddered. “I promise I wont thump the wall anymore. I really won’t, Just, please let me go,” I begged, trying to maintain the small amount of dignity I had left. Ingrid and the other woman looked at each other then turned their attention to Emmet asking silently for his approval. He obviously gave it as very, very slowly the three human restraints unleashed me. Apart from the shaking I remained as still as I could. Emmet scooted back round so he could face me. After all of this he was still kind and still caring. I did not deserve him. After all I had been the one in the wrong apparently.

“Good Job Mi, you did really well there, you got back control quickly . That must have been hard work.” Emmet unlike Ingrid didn’t sound condescending even though the words should have been, but Every kind word he said dug into me. I had no idea how after all of this he could still be kind to me.

“Have you hurt your self Mi? Emmet asked as he reached out and gently and picked up my hand. I was still confused as he preformed his examination. There was no sense to his kindness. Any pain I felt I had created.

“I think your OK.” He said placing it gently back down beside me with a smile and for a millisecond I believed him but then the other women spoke, -
“Now then.” She interrupted, her eyes slits on her face and the corners of her lips turned up in a sinister smile “I believe it’s time for dinner”