Chapter 26 : Not Ok’s. OK

Emmet sat very still on the edge of my bed. So still that I couldn’t even be convinced that he was breathing. I also felt like a complete moron, but as much as I tried I could not stop the tears that rolled out of my eyes and into my hands. How had he done this to me? It had been years since I cried in front of anyone.


“I’m…I’m sorry.” I stuttered taking in an unsteady breath and trying to control my tears. They were worthless. I had learnt that they never changed a thing anyway.


“This makes you really uncomfortable,” Emmet said. It was not a question but more of a statement.

I looked at him through my swimming eyes. He looked fuzzy around the edges, so I blinked; two more tears escaping over my water logged eye lashes that I quickly wiped away with the side of my hand before looking down at the mattress hoping that Emmet might get up and walk away.


“Well I’m Ok with it,” Emmet said smiling.


“I’m Ok.” I said wiping my face off with my hands and plastering a fake smile back over my face. Strong again and perfect with no cracks. My fake purity shining through. My actresses face applied with super glue.


“You can cry in front of me Mi. you don’t have to smile all of the time when you are hurting. Crying is healthy. This,” He said placing his hand into my plastered arm. “proves that.” He had no idea. If it could have all been solved by crying I wouldn’t have slit wrists however this went above any tears that could have been shed.

“I came to ask you a question.” Emmet said changing the subject moving his hand off of my arm and looking down at the floor. He wanted to know something hard, something I couldn’t give him the answer to.


“I hate questions. I never know the answers, and when I do people never want to here them.” I groaned wondering to my self how long it would take him to give up and walk away. If I danced around the borderlines of the questioning. Elegantly dodged the bullets I could make him forget all his questions.


“Well I do,” Emmet stated firmly. “What ever the answer is. We can always work through it.”

“There’s nothing to work through. I’m OK.” I smiled. My insides screamed. I was never OK.


“ No your not. All this smiling and brushing things aside, I’m sure it all worked for a while but it wont here. I know your hurting and I know like you know that your not OK. You slit your wrist and took a massive overdose of how many tablets Mi?

“Like that matters, Emmet. I was just stupid and I took a few too many tablets. Teenager things Emmet. I’m just the same as the everyone else. just like all the other girls.”

“How many Mi?” Emmet asked again gently cutting through every defence I shoved up in his way.

“About 100.”

“That would be bad enough, certainly enough to kill you but your lying. Your toxicology report showed levels way higher then what a hundred would usually cause.”

“Wont you just give up?” I snapped “Others just give up! Why do you care how many tablets I took? It makes no difference to you or anyone else. I’m alive.”

“No your right, it doesn’t. whether you took one hundred or three hundred or ten it just goes to show that your not ok and here's another big secret Mi. It’s OK, not to be OK.