Chapter 42 : The futures not bright (Sorry to burst your bubble orange)

Emmet stayed with me for the rest of the night until my blood sugar came up to five.thee and the night staff wondered through the door then into their positions on the unit. The night staff where almost like ghosts, fluttering in and out of my room without a sound, Eyeing over my body to make sure I was still breathing before dissolving back into the hall way again. The original uneasiness this had caused me was beginning to get less, a few hours in and I was getting used to being checked on. My life seemed to be spinning out of my control irreversibly and I had lost all fight to do anything about it.

“Right! Bed time you lot! Bugger off the lot of you!” I heard the booming voice of Audrey bark from down the corridor in the living room. I had spent ten minutes in there after Emmet had left with a wink and a wave saying he would be back for the late shift tomorrow before the over whelming stares of staff and clients alike got too much and I bolted to the relative safety of dream much to the annoyance of Audrey, Beth George Ava and Dan who had to get off the arses every 10 minutes to check on me.

 
I had been faking sleep for what must have been about twenty minutes curled up on my side in the bed fully clothed on top of the duvet. I breathed slow and steady trying to calm my fears but not managing to conceal the tears that leaked out of my eyes making the pillow damp. I tried to make people believe that I was strong and untouchable but at night and when I was alone I cried. Six long years of my own tears soothing me to sleep, I honestly could not remember the last time I was happy.

There was a ruckus in the hall way, the opening and closing of doors and people yelling good night to each other, it was becoming obvious that some people didn’t find this place as awful as I did, I had no idea how. I dreaded that one day I would find this place normal too. That I would make friends and start acting like it was OK that I was stuck here.

My door opened a bit more than the crack it already was and a motionless figure in the shape of Beth stood there for a minute looking at my supposedly sleeping form before sighing a little and turning away. That kind of summed up where my life was to.  A long drawn out sigh, and that was how the rest of the night went. Nothing exciting happened. There were no ghosts or vampires in the walls. Just the silence.

 After many more checks and many more uncomfortable silent sobs into my pillow I noticed the crack of sunlight creeping through the curtains just above my head, casting a strange glow across my pillow and signalling the braking dawn. I had somehow survived my first night but the outlook was bleak for the next.