Chapter 25 : it's OK to cry

　

Mi

I resisted the calling from my wardrobe. It was not easy, but nothing ever was. Now that my blades were limited to one and I was stuck behind looked doors, fifteen foot high chained fences, complete with an elite force of guards, (the staff) I had to make the most of the one I had. Razors went blunt. I would have to prioritise if I wanted something sharp there when I really needed it.


About five minutes later my door opened again and I plastered a big fake smile onto my face so I could shoo Ingrid away, however what now stood in my doorway was the opposite of Ingrid. He was huge, Bigger then a foot taller then my generous five foot six and must of weighed at least 230lbs most of which was packed into muscles a body builder would have been proud to have owned. He was going to destroy me, and he was going to enjoy it.

I recoiled; pulling my legs up onto the bed and shifting my body back as far as it would go before I hit the wall and had no other option but to tuck my self into an hedgehog ball and close my eyes tight. To just wait for whatever was going to happen, to happen.

“Don’t be scared, it’s OK. I wont hurt you.“ The monster of the man said gently as he guarded the only exit from the cell I was trapped in. His voice, in my head should have been harsh, but it wasn’t. It was soft and gentle with the texture of soft crushed velvet, making it almost sound alluring and seductive. He should have been in an advert for dark black Coffee. It would make all the women swoon as they sat in their lounges before making an emergency trip to the supermarket.

“I’m Emmet Mi, I work here. I know I look scary because I am over-tall and over-big but honestly once people get to know me they think I am a giant cuddly teddy bear.”

I opened my eyes and peeked out though the cracks in my fingers were I had hidden my head. He seemed genuine and now he was smiling his face seemed less harsh, but the fact that he had to duck his head slightly to get under the average door frame and his shirt strained at the stitching on the sleeves because of the shear size of his biceps was something I couldn’t get my head around and I allowed my ball to start rocking backwards and forwards to try and comfort my self. I didn’t even care if it looked Crazy. It was about survival. It was about staying sane.

“I promise I wont hurt you honey. I can see you are terrified of me and that’s understandable. This is all new and hard to get your head around but I have worked here for five years and I’ve been a nurse for ten. I am a good guy and I wont hurt you. Now I know you have no reason to trust me but your going to have to give me a chance. I am head of your care team so I have to get to know you a bit.”

I wanted to believe him and maybe somewhere inside my self I did. I wanted his apparent kindness to be real more then anything in the world. I almost needed it to be and that was the reason why even though my whole body and mind protested about it, I whispered for him to come inside my new room He could do one of two things Prove himself or destroy me. I had been destroyed before, so often I convinced myself it didn’t even hurt anymore so what was there to lose?


“Do you mind?” Emmet asked gesturing to the corner of my bed as he walked over to me slowly his posture relaxed and welcoming. I shook my head, signalling for him to a sit down with a flick of my good hand.

“You are safe here Mi.” He confirmed, sitting down on the foot of my bed. Unlike when Bella sat down before the mattress sank considerably at the end pushing me up a few centimetres on the other. The wooden bed frame groaned as his weight was added to mine.

“No one here will hurt you, male or female. Big or small. We are here to look after you. We understand that you are a venerable young adult and all of us are here to protect you.”


“I don‘t need protecting.” I said confidently, unfolding my arms from around my legs, leaving my self at complete risk of an attack. An assault from him now could kill me instantly but I didn’t really think he would. Or maybe I just welcomed death. “I’m used to looking after my self.”


“Your own kind of personal barricade,” He said referring to my position.

“It is easier to block everything out from behind my walls.” I said, the words finding the cracks in my sealed lips and leaking into the world before I could stop them. Why was I opening up to this man? I had only just met him minutes ago and the words where spilling out of my mouth like verbal diarrhoea. To make things worse tears started to take over my eyes as well and I had to push them back down with a gulp, but more resurfaced, determined to betray me. My whole shook trying to keep the tears at bay but there was nothing I could do as the gates opened and the monsters poured in.

I recoiled again; bringing my knees back up to my chin and wrapping my arms around them I put my head on top completing my defences and breathed heavily. Screwing my eyes closed to make the water feelings go away.


I suddenly felt my head being lifted by Emmet’s bicep like fingers and I snapped my eyes open just before he started unpeeling my arms from around my legs. I looked into his eyes with horror wondering what he was going to do with me but I had nothing left in me to fight it anyway. I just hoped he would make it quick.


“That’s the thing with barricades Mi.” Emmet said gently smiling still looking intently into my eyes. “They keep out everything and everyone. The good and the bad. The people trying to hurt you and the ones trying to help, ” he said placing a steady solid hand on my shoulder that was warm and comforting and at that moment it became to much and I burst into tears burying my head into my hands and wishing the bed would let me dissolve into the mattress.

“I’m sorry.” I wept trying to control the moisture that leaked uncontrollably from my eyes. “I am sorry, I’m not normally like this. I am normally strong and good.”

“Why do you think just because your crying your not strong and good?” Emmet asked. “ It’s OK to cry Mi.”