Chapter 251 : It's not fair, i used to have bones

Emmet left the ECA with his card Key and I strained myself like a flower would towards the natural light before it was blocked out again by the heavy door. I had the urge to get up and throw myself with every bit of my might into that door. I wanted to scream at the top of my voice to be let out! I wanted a key card and freedom and the rights back to my body and life back again.

I looped my thumb and little finger around my good wrist feeling for the bones, measuring how easily they still touched. This used to calm me when I was losing width from around them but now it was different, I had put on a fingertip at least in lard. I breathed in looking for the bones in my ribcage, while feeling for the sharp edge of my collar bone. It wasn’t really that sharp anymore and my ribs weren’t so visible. Even the space between my hip bones was starting to be filled in. My jeans almost had a fat layer to sit against.

I once again started not to care weather Emmet came back at all; so many pounds of this fat that I lugged around probably belonged to him. I loved him at the same time as hating him and the same went for Esmee. I felt like bouncing my body off of the walls again until it was broken into tiny pieces. Now there was more of me the feelings seemed bigger too and they were truly chocking.

“It’s not fair!” I shrieked the sound the burst from my moth confusing me; I hadn’t meant to make my anger vocal but apparently I felt too much grief over the loss of my pointed bones to remain quiet.

“I know, it’s not, nothing ever really feels like it is when you are in the position that you are now,” Esmee moaned. It sounded like she felt the same sort of ach that was somewhere inside me but could sit on top of it, she had control over her body. She controlled her feelings and what they made her do even if the feeling was killing her like it was me. I could not control the explosion they were causing even though I was desperate to. I was on my feet, crashing my body against the foam walls trying to get everything to disappear just for a little while, just so I could breathe without the elastic around my lungs.

I screamed and I sobbed and wailed as my body bounced off of the foam without harm. I could see Esmee out the side of my distorted vision too. She looked pale and in pain but calm. Her face grimaced as I bounced my body from the walls but she did not go to intervene. The truth was I wanted her to. I wanted her to stop me, for something to stop me.

“It won’t help.”  Esmee moaned after a while. “You will calm down eventually, or faint, either one, but it will have nothing to do with you bouncing you self like a ping pong ball from the walls. Your feelings are intense and yes they are very real but your body won’t let this intenseness go on for long, the brain can’t handle it and it will protect its self.

“It’s not fair!” I shouted again already feeling my head begin to spin. I clung to the wall this time instead of bouncing back off of it noticing how my chest rose and fell with my heavy breathing. Fainting would have been nice if it could stop it. My head span more as if to agree, my eyes spinning in the back of my head

“Ok, sweet, let’s get you down before you fall down,” Esmee said as she walked over to me. With the touch of her hand my head span out and my body fell.