Chapter 248 : Carried through the front lines

 “The war is only lost Mi when every last fighter has stopped fighting. We haven’t stopped and we will rally around the down and wounded until they get back up. Your story isn’t over yet.”

I didn’t respond to Emmet’s voice. I tried so desperately not to hear him. I wanted to go away so much that it hurt deep in my chest like a throbbing black bruise. I swallowed hard against the tears in my throat trying to stop them rolling out from under my closed eyes. The dead did not cry and they did not feel.

Mi, open your eyes.”  I could feel one of Emmets finger tips brushing away the solitary tear that had managed to escape under my water logged eye lashes and down to rest on my cheek and my body reacted to the ach it caused in my tummy making me burry my head facedown into the spongy floor.

“Mi, open your eyes,” he prompted again.  “Open them up, we will fight for you, we can make this better but you are not allowed to give up. It’s time to open those eyes embrace this pain and get back up again.”

“I can’t,” I said again in a whisper. “Even if I wanted to I couldn’t move from here – I can’t stand up again. This isn’t an easy way either you know. It feels like a thousand wolves are ripping the flesh from my skin and I can’t move away or fight them off.” I moaned twisting the fingers of my fractured wrist into the carpet until the pain caught my breathing making my lugs silently yell. The intense stabbing was a better pain then the void. It was a distraction from having my bones slowly chewed upon.  

“Then l will carry you,” Emmet whispered delicately into my ear before I felt him slipping his giant arms in under my floppy body and pulling me up into a standing position next to him. My body crumbled instantly as I felt my heart flutter somewhere off beat in my chest for a few seconds and my head span. I would have fallen back to the floor if it wasn’t for Emmet’s arms that supported me against him. He was the last solid rock in the battle field. He could have run and got home safe but he was unable to bring himself to leave the week. At that moment there was two choices. He would carry us both back to safety or I would drag him to the dirt with me. I was a heavy weight in his arms.

 “I mean it Emmet I can’t. Let me go” I said in a moan, “Don’t you see that I can’t be saved? but you and Esmee can get out of here alive. “Let me go now let the wolves finish what they started. I will be glad to leave.” I smiled.

 “Mi, I will never let you go,” Emmet stated firmly to me brushing away the idea like it was the most idiotic one in the world. “Too many people in this life have given up on you walked out on you and turned their back on you. Too many people have abused you and hurt you. You were just a little girl when you were left so cruelly alone in the world” Emmet said softly stroking away yet another two stray tears that had managed to brake over the surface of my eyes.

“Emmet don’t…” I moaned trying to pull away from him so I could curl back up on the floor and wait for my last breaths. I didn’t want his compassion or worse his understanding. He was right I was the little girl that grew up alone without “proper parents” but I was not the pretty little innocent party he was making me out to be but he went on anyway burning what was left of my insides as he went…

“When the world should have been protecting you from everything and checking for invisible monsters in your closet, they were being the monsters that where hunting you down. You leant to cry and scream in science all by yourself because you knew no matter how hard you cried and no matter how loud you shouted no one would come anyway. So you found a better way to get rid of all that anger and confusion. You found a way to comfort yourself. You found another way to scream and cry and your skin wept silent red tears for every time he did something to your little body that you couldn’t quite understand. You screamed bright red screams for every time she screamed in your face and you couldn’t scream back at her. You learnt to destroy yourself to keep yourself alive and everyone just turned their backs on you all over again but I’m not going to let that happen anymore. We are here and we will support you and we will fight on when you can’t.”

With every one of Emmet’s words it felt like a rocket ripped its way through my body destroying every secret and every lie I had ever kept locked up inside. It broke down every wall I had ever formed to protect me from the world around me. It melted all the icy bits that I had tried to freeze away and breathed life into any part of me that had forgotten how to feel and it hurt. It hurt more than any punch or kick ever had, it hurt more than any insult that ever was thrown at me. It hurt more than then wolves gnawing at my bones.

“Stop,” I pleaded my voice harsh and sore against the agony he had inflicted. I clawed at his chest and pushed with my hands to get him away and when he finally realised me I clawed at my face before screaming with the tears and falling back to the floor. His possession inside my head was worse than Sophie’s even for as he worked through me he set of feelings that I had long since forgotten where there. Quietly at first my injured broken memories started to sing the same song as him - they started to agree… I had just been a little girl and I had been abused! I had been neglected and I had been treated awfully and it wasn’t my fault… It had never been my fault. “Please stop.” I sobbed through hysterical breathing as I wrapped my arms around my chest and stomach trying to stop my insides from falling out. “It hurts! It hurts!”

“I know baby, I know.” Emmet soothed in a whisper before he bent down and tried to lock his arms around me again.

“Get Off! Go away! I hate you! I really hate you!” I yelled to shake him off as I tried to re-prove to him but mostly to myself that I had been to blame for what happened. If I was responsible for all the bad things it somehow made them feel almost OK some of the time, but how could I start to go on and live in a world where I had been the one so badly beaten for no reason? How could I ever have any faith in humanity?

“No, I’m not going anywhere Mi. I’m not leaving you there isn’t a thing you can do to push me away,” Emmet confirmed holding me tighter making my insides shriek again. They never would get the concept of understanding and they would do anything to restore the balance.

“Go away!” I screamed again sobbing as I slapped Emmet as hard as I could across the chest with my good hand. I hated what I was doing but I could not stop and before I had time to even try and stop I did the same thing again making him wince.

I saw Esmee take a step forward this time before stopping again and mouthing a swear word to herself as she fort for control of her body to keep it routed to where she was. She wanted to stop me. She wanted Emmet to let me go as much as I wanted him to. She could not stand to see him hurt. She was my answer. If Emmet wouldn’t leave I would find someone to drag him away. I smacked him hard again a further two times unable to stop the mania even though I wade Esmee’s face crumble. I was torturing Emmet but she was the one feeling the pain. I was trying to restore order in my world. I had to be hated. I had to be the bad one. I slapped him again even though it killed me, thinking that getting him away would stop my screaming head.

“Emmet!” Esmee begged the words bursting from her moth before she could top them, “Don’t,” She whined. Emmet ignored her and I could not make my brain to stop or get my hands to stand still.

“I am not letting go. I am not going anywhere,” Emmet confirmed again unwavering as he endured another blow from the palm of my hand on his chest with nothing more than a flinch. “There is nothing you can do. I’m not going to leave no matter what you do. You have not got to do this on your own anymore I am here, and I am staying with you. I will not leave you.”

“Please!” I begged slapping him once more feebly before my body broke down and I sagged into his arms while I screamed into his chest. “Please…” I cried, defeated.