Chapter 250 : Guarantee

“I am sorry.” I mumbled rubbing my hands roughly over my tear streaked face after the laughing slipped away to nothing. It had been a few amazing monster free seconds in my life. For the shortest time with my head full of Emmet in frilly pants I had forgot why I was in the ECA, why I was in apple gate house and why Emmet and Esmee where there at all. For a few seconds it was simply OK but seconds were not enough and the monsters wanted back in to extinguish any joy or hope, even sanity. 

“What are you sorry for?” Emmet asked.

Everything – the way I look, feel, sound, move, have this nasty habit of inhaling and exhaling. “I am sorry that I smacked you.”

“Thank you Mi, I appreciate your apology. I also understand that you didn’t mean to hurt me. Sometimes feelings can be very overwhelming.”

“I am sorry that I cried. I am sorry that I shouted, I’m sorry that I scared you and wasted your time… I’m just sorry…for everything, I’m sorry I’m me.” The words had come out in a rush before I could control them. I had tried not to mention the sorry for everything part because I already knew the well-rehearsed response to it that would be given. They had drummed it into me like it was written somewhere on a script.

Emmet smiled sadly as he hoisted his heavy body back to its legs. Staring up at him from the floor anyone could know what it felt like to be an ant that was in its hill while it came under attack by a toddler in boots. He didn’t scare me as such. His size was more just impressive these days. I knew that he could kill me instantly with just his brute force if he wanted to but the thing was I had learnt to realise he didn’t want to. He was more a protector for the little things – like Esmee. Esmee was such an odd match for him, so tiny and diminutive. If Emmet was to be compared to a giant Grizzly bear Esmee would have to be compared to a Salmon. He could destroy her, maybe he was even meant to but he didn’t, he loved her and it was the same for all of the little people he looked down on, he didn’t ever think of anything but the best for them. I winced realizing it was this remarkable man I had been hitting so viciously a few hours ago.

“I will spare you the lecture on why you shouldn’t be sorry for any of those other things Mi. You know it all anyway.”

I nodded once as a thank you and Emmet smiled before crouching down into a squat and cupping my sticky face in his right hand making me look at him. He gave the speech with his eyes alone. The swirling jade penetrated my bones. It made me believe impossible things. I believed that he would come back, that he cared.

“I will come back,” he promised somehow reading me. Unless there are some extreme unforeseen events I will come back and I will swear that on anyone’s life,” He confirmed passing a slight nod in Esmee’s direction. I flinched; Esmee was not to be used as a guarantor for his promises. Even with the best intentions, which I am sure she had promises could be broken.

“No!” I shouted, vicious images of a lifeless body clouding my vision that belonged to Esmee. White skin and a still chest, no flush of blood behind her cheeks, coldness. I wanted to throw up. “Her life is not something you can swear upon. Not ever.” I growled.   

He realised his mistake with my tight words and I could see through his eyes that he could see the images too. If I had wanted to be sick Emmet looked like he wanted to scream and never stop.

“You don’t have to swear on anyone’s life. I believe you, I trust you. I have no idea why but you will come back. You won’t leave me, even if you should.”

The strange part was I actually believed what I was saying. He would come back for me. It was a guarantee.