Chapter 8 : Inside torture

“So,” Dr Richardson’s voice seemed to pull me back to earth and my eyes looked up to meet hers. I suppressed the urge to shout ‘what’ back into her face, “why did you do this then?”
“I don’t know,” I mumbled.

“You don’t know why you tried to kill your self?” Her voice was still thick with an upbeat happiness and she had the biggest smile stretched over her face. It did not suit the mood of her last question and I began to wonder if she had plastic surgery so it was stuck that way.

“I don’t want to live anymore.” I said my voice so muted now I was surprised that she heard me.
“Why’s that though, what could be that bad?” I couldn’t answer so I turned my head away to look at the curtains, trying to count the petals on all the flowers. My soul felt like it was being crushed in on it self. I wasn’t even sure myself why I wanted to die, just that I did.

“Living feels like I am being tortured to death every day. It feels like it is eternally ripping me apart.” I turned my face to look at Dr Care Bear again. Her smile seemed to falter a little but she managed to retain it. She encouraged me on. “It feels like there is a black hole in my stomach engulfing everything,” I said turning away to stare into the curtain again. “I can not remember the last time I felt anything but this gnawing inside of me,” I swallowed hard, “I just figured death would hurt less then the torture.” I looked back at Dr. Care Bear but the smile was gone from her lips now, the room suddenly seemed darker and colder too.

“I see.” Doctor Richardson said, she did not smile again. Only I could depress the paediatric care bear.