Chapter 23 : Bella’s weak moment

“Well dinners in about thirty minuets.” Bella moaned uncomfortably sucking her tummy in until her pelvis protruded through her skin and I had to look away. I tried to convince my self that I was worried for her, and I was, but it didn’t completely mask the real feeling that flowed like poison through my veins, Jealously. Bella was almost there, to a place where she was light enough to live outside her physical body. A place where her spirit was shinny enough to watch it’s body get battered from the sidelines and never feel the pain.

“You are very new to all of this aren’t you,” Bella sighed letting the air out and allowing her tiny belly to fill some of the void between her two sharp hips before cursing under her breath her pail face going red at the tops of her cheeks. “ I wish I could help you but I can’t of course. I mean I am better then I was but I am still spectacularly fucked up for someone who has been in treatment for five months and hasn’t reached their target weight,” Bella hissed again more at her self this time A panic rising in her voice as her cheeks flushed a deeper red.

I didn’t know what to do to help. My words were useless, and I didn’t know how to physically touch anyone so hugging her was out of the question, but I wished there was something I could do. I liked Bella, and she was hurting, but it was a hurt that went deeper then myself or any feeble attempts at any comfort I could give. So I remained silent, my head bowed in respect as I watched one of Apple Gates patients show me the reason why she was one of the people on this side of the fence.

“Look I’m sorry Mi.” Bella chocked out, her voice a little higher then it had been before. “This is a weak moment. I’m not normally like this. I knew I shouldn’t have come and saw you this close to feeding time and now I’m pouring liquid crazy all over you,” Bella said, shaking her head to try and clear out the thick black clouds of smoke that fogged up her mind. “I really have to go and find Esmee or someone before my mind explodes and trust me that isn’t pretty but I’m in courage if you want me OK and normally I am pretty level headed so don’t be scared to knock for me.”

With that Bella pulled her self off of my bed and stumbled like a drunk towards my door with one had cupped around her stomach and the other holding onto her head as her breath rose into hyperventilation and she began to sob. I wanted to go after her tell her that it was OK, and that food made me crazy too sometimes but roots had come up from the ground and were holding me to my bed making me listen to the metal that once again called to me from the Wardrobe.