Chapter 232 : Chasing the sun

Before it really registered what she was planning on doing Esmee came to a roundabout in the road and turned all the way around heading back to where she came from. For a moment I thought her car had turned into Herby and acquired a life of its own because the driver looked almost as confused about her actions as I was. It was only a second of doubt though before her features became smooth again; the tiny little crinkles at the top of her nose and the side of her eyes flattening out to nothing.

 “You were going the right way for the unit Esmee,” I said pointing out something she already knew.

 "I know. You said that you didn’t want to go back there yet. I’m going to take you for a drive instead if you want, what the unit doesn’t know won’t hurt them.” I turned my nose up at the preposterous idea. If she was caught she wouldn’t stand a chance. She would be out of the unit before I could have a say, before I could stand up and scream that she wasn’t trying to abduct me she was trying to rescue me and even if I did they wouldn’t listen. Her nurse’s license would be used for kindle for a higher ups fire no matter how much I shouted. That was unacceptable for some reason. Apple gate would cease to exist without her, or at least my presence as something human inside the walls would.

 Do not get in trouble for me Esmee. I mean it. I could do without that guilt to deal with as well,” I said anxiously shuddering. It wasn’t really the guilt I was worried about though. It was more selfish than that. What worried me was how I could stay in one piece after she had gone.

 "I promise you I will not get into trouble. I will make sure it goes all above board when I get back to the unit with you. I am the head nurse on shift you where green observations and there are no doctors to make the decision for me, there is nothing in writing in your flies either saying that I can’t. It’s just a load of tedious paper work and it’s worth the trouble.”

She was wrong. I was never worth the trouble. Not when there was another breathing soul on planet earth would I be worth any kind of trouble… not even then. She wouldn’t listen to that reason though so I had to think of another to make her see it.

 “Well that’s great but what about your family Esmee, your husband and your daughter need you more than I do. Look I was only whining to myself when I said don’t take me back, I know we have to, and there really is no point in delaying the inevitable. It’s fine Esmee.” I tried to say the words in an upbeat fashion and I tried to mean them even but my very soul yelled at her to keep on driving; to head as far away as we could passably go from Apple gate house and never look back. Maybe if she went far enough, I could finally out run myself. If I was very luck I could even catch that strip of light in the distance.

 “Would it make you feel better if I told you I was doing this because Emmet and I desperately needed the overtime money this month, and you are actually helping us out?” Esmee asked turning the heating down on the dial and clicking the stereo on just enough to give some background noise even though the band and song could not be defined.

 “It would help if you meant it but you don’t,” I groaned

 “Look I’m not going to force this on you, if you want I will turn around as soon as I can and take you back to the unit however you have had a bloody hard day with a million and one things happening to you so I am offering to take you down by the sea for a little while where you can calm down and chill out before hopefully when I do take you back to the unit you can go right to bed and sleep right through the night until either Emmet or myself wakes you up in the morning. Mi I don’t do this job for the money and I never will. If I am being honest I like to think that if I could still support my family I would still come in and do my shifts if they stopped paying me. I do this because I want to help make the bad unbearable times bearable. So how about you let me? Come with me to the sea and we can sit and talk or just stare at the sky if you want. It has to be better than that building.

 "It would be nice to have a breather,” I sighed gently still looking out the windscreen, the last strip of light on the horizon had almost completely gone now, it appeared we never would get there in time to remain in the sun.