Chapter 230 : Simple logic

Mi

 

 

My eyes rolled around uncomfortably in the back of my head trying to find the surface above the blue and purple haze that still gathered there. I did not particularly want to wake up. I craved for more drugs to trickle their way in under my skin so I could not fight the haze but every second it escaped further away allowing the voices and shapes of the world around me to greet me again. I groaned in my annoyance. I didn’t want to be part of the real world.

 “It‘s all right Mi,” someone said in the background as they tickled the side of my check with their finger nail. I mumbled again, uncomfortable, before finally my eyes rolled in the right direction and I opened them to a swirling room and intense nausea bubbling angrily before whirling up my throat to just under my gag reflex.

 "I feel sick,” I moaned trying to pull my body up into a seating position but landed up just rolling in the wrong direction and bashing my side into the railings of the bed making my ribs protest at the pain.

 

“Wowah honey,” Esmee said leaning over and steadied my body while she hit the bed control button and my body began to go slowly upwards until I was slightly elevated and she put a dish into my lap. I debated whether to be sick for a while. It would have been so easy to force the bile upwards but I was just too tired.

 “What are you doing here still?” I moaned resting my head back up against the mattress and closing my eyes to try and stop the room from spinning around me.

 “I wouldn‘t just leave you after what happened sweet heart.”

 "You have a family Esmee, you should be with them eating Ice cream and watching TV or something like that. I mean what is your new foster son going to think.” I moaned pressing my fingers into my eyes and wincing as a sharp shooting pain bolted through my splinted wrist.

 “Careful honey, you got a little fracture in that wrist, try and be gentle with it.” I groaned lowering my hands until my fingers caught against the plastic of a mask that was stuck over my nose and mouth. I scratched it off of my face without thinking snapping the elastic against the back of my head so it pinched at the skin.

 “I think for a few more minutes we are going to keep that on just to make sure your lungs are getting all the things that they really want.” Esmee smiled before reaching over and taking the mask off of me and putting it back on over my face with a smile. I rolled my eyes.

 “You know I would fight you off about this but my head still feels like it’s rolling down the street after stomach so that probably isn’t such a good idea right now.”

 "You’re learning,” Esmee smiled.

“ugh, I think we just reached the bottom of the hill. Is there somewhere I can throw up around here?” I leant forward and dry heaved once trying to persuade my body that me not throwing up was the best idea but as always it didn’t win and the second time around I threw up bright orange into the bottom off a cardboard dish that Esmee had held under my mouth.

 “That will be the sedative. Give it twenty minutes and you will start to feel human again.”

 “I really am a pain in the arse. I’m really sorry; you do so much for me. You stand in front of my mother and all I do to thank you is go a bit insane and throw up what looks like battery acid. I really hate myself. I doubt that you will understand that but I do. I don’t want to keep waking up after having to be sedated. It would be easier if I could sleep forever. Why do people keep saving me? I don’t understand why they don’t let me go.” My voice caught in my throat as the tears forced them self’s into my eyes. I wanted to go back to sleep again it didn’t hurt there.

 "Do you want a list of reasons why I think that it is good why you are alive, on how strong you are and why you shouldn’t hate yourself. Or would you rather I came and gave you a hug?”

 “I don’t want either. I want you and everyone else to let me go. I don’t care whether my feelings aren’t logical it just feels bad.” I whined the tears overflowing from my eyes that I tried to wipe away with the fingers of my one remaining good hand.

 “I’m not such a huge fan of logic today either. I don’t think that it is all that it’s cracked up to be all of the time. Esmee got to her feet in one fluid motion and perched on the side of my bed and with a sigh she put her arm out and pulled me in closer to her so my face was lost somewhere in her soft deep red waves that hung so perfectly about five inches under her shoulders. “Emotion has just as much right as Logic. Don’t let anyone ever tell you that your feelings aren’t logical like it’s an excuse for you not to feel them. If it hurts it hurts. You can’t get much more logical then that. .”