“You can yell at me now,” I instructed firmly after a doctor had not
managed to persuade me to “just drop my legs at the knees and relax” so she
could examine me. I was under no illusion as to what she would find up there if
she was allowed to explore me. Tares and cuts that made me sore and bits of him
left behind slowly socking their way into me. Suddenly I felt the urge to
scream and could barely catch it in time to turn it into a yelp.
“I said you can yell at me,” I said again as Emmet didn’t move from his
position at the boundary of the room.
“You can tell me that I am stupid or I am week or an idiot. You can bang
it over my head with a baseball bat at how much of a coward I am. Or you can
tell me off for lying to you to get attention.” The last bit hurt the most,
scared me and tore me up inside. After all it was true I was week and I was
scared and I knew that Jo would be somewhere now in a pub pouring drinks down
young girl’s necks in the hope that they would put out Instead of in a police
cell. He would get the sex and like the feeling of the sex but it wouldn’t satisfy
him fully. Not even my sixteen year old undeveloped body would really make him
feel good. He didn’t know why but he craved something younger still, little and
pure and not spoilt by their knowledge of sex or what it was, a girl that had
barley found her feet and still was trying to get used to the idea of using a
potty rather than a nappy, a girl of two or three is what he really craved.
It should have been easy to own up to the world to shout it from the
rooftops about everything he ever did but he scared me and good girls kept silent
and walked in the shadows. I was used to being scared and I could put up with
anger from Emmet about it however the fact he might be thinking that it wasn’t
the police I had lied to but him made me feel like I was braking. I wanted him
to believe me, to understand.
“Well,” I demanded trying to summon the anger to chase away the part of
me that wanted to break down.
“I could indeed tell you all of those things Mi, but in all honestly it
would be counterproductive because that’s not how I feel, and as for you lying
to me. I have my own ideas and thoughts as to who you were lying to. I just
came to see if there was anything at all I could do to help.”
The anger couldn’t last. There was no one to be angry with now. If he
had done what I had been counting on and yelled or told me I had done bad or
even gave me a disapproving look I could have coped. I could have ridden my
bubble of resentment for the entire world not understanding and not let the
sadness chase me down but he had acted in the opposite way. He saved my soul
and crushed me in half at the same time and I cried. Big waves of sadness and
grief coasting over my body making me shake and sending the tears to my eyes
before I even had chance to bury my head into my hands. I was so alone.
“May I sit?” Emmet asked approaching the side of my bed and gesturing to
the corner. I nodded trying to gulp back the tears and become emotionless, he
deserved the Mi that everyone really wanted the one with a front to life and a
mask set to cam and indifferent .Not the one that bared her ugly soul.
"You must hate me,” I sobbed
“No, of course I don’t hate you. I think you are very brave still even
if you couldn’t make step one yet,” Emmet said gently as he wrapped his arm around
my shaking shoulder and pulled me in closer to his side. I stiffened slightly
and he made his grip on me slacker. “I’m safe Mi; I’m Emmet, a safe person.” He
reassured with such gentle grace I allowed myself to melt into his side.
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