Chapter 227: The tale of the teenager that descended to hell

 

“All right, that’s OK. I know that these situations can escalate really quickly but I need you to try and stay calm for me. I know that it is going to be hurting but try and rest assure that the pain cannot physically harm you OK.”


“I can’t do this,” I groaned pressing my eyes close so I didn’t have to look at Esmee. I scratched roughly at the flesh on my arms feeling the skin peal up under my finger nails. It was harming but it wasn’t the right feeling. I huffed in frustration at the lack of glorious stinging and liquid reward. My body burned and my brain folded in as my lugs swelled in the excess blood. I groaned, panting.

 

“Ok, here try this,” Esmee said snapping the elastic band off of her wrist and pulling it on over mine before she very gently made it tort and let it go the elastic snapping on the top of my wrist. The shock allowed me to gasp in some air. It had helped, not much, not enough to make the flames die down on the pressure in my chest bearable, but it had done something small.

 

“If it helps use it, but very gently. If you begin to harm yourself with it, like it cuts the skin, or bruises it or even if it gets to red I will take it away from you. It’s a tool to use to help you stop, not a weapon to help you do it.

 

“Esmee, one of the other docs just told me that you were in. I was writing up some notes in majors. Then I heard of the assault. You weren’t involved were you?” a doctor with caramel colored well styled hair asked Esmee patting her on the shoulder as he appeared out of nowhere. “What are you doing here anyway? Are you sick?”

 

“I’m on shift Leo, I’m just chaperoning Mi,” Esmee answered glancing in my direction.

 

I smiled weekly as the doctor that Esmee called Leo looked over my squirming body. I tried to make the elastic band work for me even though I knew that it wouldn’t it had had its impact already. It granted me that tiny second of breathing but now there was nothing to help and I couldn’t breathe… and I couldn’t…speak…. Or focus… or… I yelped, desperate tears moistening my cheeks.

 

“Hi beautiful,” The doctor smiled crouching down in front of me so he was equal in height, “Has my friend been looking after you for us?” He asked again as he reached out and grasped my fore arm in his hand. His skin was cold on top of mine and smooth to touch and for the weirdest of moments even if it was just seconds he brought be back to a normal temperature, making me calm, then it was over.

 

I nodded gently to answer his question

 

“Yeah she’s a good gal isn’t she,” He smiled again parting his lips to reveal a perfect straight line of white well cared for teeth. “All right darling, I can see you are really struggling right now and there is sure as hell very little I will be able to do to help but Esmee is great at these sort of things and there is a free room opened up just on the other side of the apartment where I am meant to be working right now and I was wondering if you would like to come and take a seat in there for me.”

 

The other side of the apartment was majors and beyond that was resus I had spent my fair amount of time in all of them, occupying bays and doctors times. Sometimes they were frantic pushing blood in and pulling it out as drugs persuaded the body that its fight for my survival was a worthwhile one even though my mind may have had other ideas about the best outcome. I had never once found myself in majors for a wrist injury though.

 

“That’s majors,” I pointed out stupidly to the doctor. It only felt like my soul was on fire - from what I could tell I hadn’t actually suffered from spontaneous combustion.  

 

“Yeah I know,” The doctor smiled taking me under the arms and guiding me to my unsteady feet which threatened to wobble out from under me, adrenaline pain and something else I wasn’t sure off making my whole body shake. “It’s just a room sweet, don’t worry you’re perfectly fine, it’s just all these are full at the moment and it looks like you could do with a little privacy. Esmee will stay with you of course, maybe she can even direct me if there is anything that I can do to make you feel better right now.

 

He didn’t need direction from Esmee. I had all the answers to his questions if he was willing to have an open mind. I was with them most of the way of course. When it came to others I was against the allure of self-harm as passionately as any one of the nurses that now filled my life on a daily basis, but I was always a little bit different and right then, at that moment, it felt unbearable inside of me.

 

I flicked the elastic band hard against the underside of my wrist causing the elastic to bite the skin. It threatened to produce blood but failed leaving me gasping for the air that was left. The threat of the blood had helped for a fraction of a second but had made it hundred times worse when it failed to produce any in the end. I was so close I could smell it, hear it, taste it but not feel its joy. The frenzy took me.

 

“That’s enough, I warned you that I would take it away if it became a weapon,” Esmee stated her hand coming down to meet mine and peeling the elastic off of my wrist and back onto hers before I could stop her.

 

“Bitch,” I snarled turning myself to her the frenzy that had took over me processing different parts of my body like a monster. The insignificant bits that were left of the real me shouted out, they knew I hadn’t meant my words and the monster that was growing withered somewhat giving me enough time to apologize behind clenched teeth.

 

“It’s Ok I’ve heard worse and I can take it, I know you don’t mean it. Come on let’s get you into this other room,” Esmee prompted before grabbing my arm and dragging me towards Majors as they eyes of minors watched on taking in the show. I would no doubt be the story they told there friends that evening; the tale of the teenage that descended to hell.

Chapter 226: Girl on fire

Bad blood… it came down to that all of the time. It was the blood that was circling inside of me, pushing at the walls of my veins that made me feel so sick. At least that was what I told myself. I told myself that it was the blood that was bad and that was actually a defence because it was something I could cure. Even if it was just for a fraction of a moment, if it was blood that was the problem I could make the problem go away. It was a simple as pressing pointed steel into my skin. However there was now even a problem with that. Fate could twist so fast that I could never understand it. The salvation that I had found in Esmee could turn into my downfall in seconds when my skin a pointed metal was involved. She was my protector, from everything… Including myself.   

 

Cutting would have been glorious and I needed to do it. The fact I was in a room full of people some of which were children was not perfect by any means. It was not something to be viewed by onlookers, but never the less bad blood had to be dealt with before it chewed at you, and you fell away completely. That wasn’t mentioning the pain that travelled with it, the slow blistering burning that was your blood turning into battery acid. By the rest of the world whose blood was clean the thought of losing it was horrific  but to me the thought that it might stay inside me forever, pressing like lava and the surface of my skin made me want to scream, and I almost did.

 I reached for Esmee instinctively with surprised me. She was the very opposite of what my soul and skin craved in equal measure. There was absolutely nothing sharp, harsh and cold about Esmee. She was the plush on a teddy bear; she was honey dripping from a spoon and candy floss wound onto a stick. Esmee was everything that you loved, but feared that in the end wold make you sick. She was all I had.

 I tried to stop my body from trembling as I clenched the fingers of both my good and bad hands into the fabric of her top. The pain it caused my wrist not as spectacular as it should have been now that it felt like my very soul was about to go up in flames anyway. The thing was if I could have I would have remained strong for Esmee, the hug that I had embraced her in one of reassurance and gesture then that of complete desperation. I already knew somewhere deep inside that Esmee was not going to be able to chase the monsters away or put out the inferno that crept around my insides but we all tried to ease our suffering when we felt it. It was like screaming and crying. The act of it would not actually make the pain any less or make your loved one return but we all did it anyway… just in case.

 “Mi you’re shaking honey - It’s all OK now though, no one is going to hurt you anymore. You don’t have to be scared; it’s all going to be OK.”

 It was reasonable to expect that response from Esmee considering what had just happened. Fear would have been an acceptable emotion but I had long since given up really fearing for my survival in the world. I had been scared. I had been terrified for the safety of Esmee   but she would be ok now, unless I went mental, transformed into the creature that flowed in me. I was set up to be exactly like my mother. I was set up to be everything that I hated.

 "I’m not scared,” I whispered close to Esmee’s ear, “I have to cut,” I moaned the agony inside me demanding that one way or another someone else should know about the poison in my blood.  “I really need to cut.”

Chapter 225: Soldiers on the front line

I tried to maintain my balance but never really stood chance and before I knew it I was on the floor feeling disorientated and in pain as my already damaged wrist took the brunt of the force again. My insides screamed at the pain that now tortured every nerve of my body but I remained silent. Screaming and crying was fuel for the fire in her eyes. If my mother saw me crying she knew that it hurt, and if it hurt, she had exactly what she wanted.

  Esmee acted instantaneously. Without any thought for herself she throw herself in between where I was on the floor and my mother, her stance one so she covered my whole body with hers before Hospital security swarmed into take my mother out. My mother put up a fuss as I sobbed on the floor but eventually was contained by no fewer than three men who towed her away throw a set of doors as she swore at anyone in the A&E who dared look at her.

 

I tried to get to my feet but was pushed down into a lying position by the doctor who asked me if I was hurt. I stared at him confused. I was hurt, and I felt that pain, but what was the big deal? What was new about the situation? My mum had done worse; I had got of lightly and Esmee wasn’t hurt even though she had put herself in the firing line over and over again for me.

“Are you sure there is no pain in your neck or back?” The doctor asked while he grabbed something from his pocket and shone a bright light in both of my eyes without a warning making them hurt about as much as my wrist. It also made me panic as it robbed my sight temporary making Esmee Vanish.

 “Esmee!” I called squinting away from the light so I could try to see her again but a nurse had my neck in a grip stopping me from moving it.

   

“Did you hit your head on the floor?” The doctor asked again as I moaned trying to remove my head from the grips of the nurse. Why couldn’t they understand that the only thing that was hurting me was the fact that I didn’t know whether she was OK or not. I had to know what she was feeling, whether or not she was angry as me.

 

“Follow the tip of my pen.” The doctor said smiling at the nurse briefly.

“Dear god I am fine,” I shouted, finally braking free from the nurse and leaping to my feet where the arms I had been looking for grabbed me pulling me in towards her in a hug. It was becoming dangerous how at home I was beginning to feel when I was somewhere lost inside of her embrace.  


"Mi… Mi, it’s all OK, it’s all over now my love, I’ve got you, I will never let her hurt you again, never again. I promise - if it is the last thing I do - she will never touch you again.” Esmee said, whispering the impossible promises into my ear, but I didn’t really mind that she lied. Whatever kept her sane and happy I could live with. I was still just happy that she stood in front of me completely unharmed.

 "Has she hurt you badly?” Esmee asked pulling out of the hug and holding me at arm’s length so she could look at my red hot cheek, “Oh honey, I’m so sorry, I never thought she would actually hit you in front of all of those people and time I saw what was happening and tried to get in front of you it was too late.”

 

“Never, ever take on my mother!” I shouted at her, as I heard what she was saying and I was forced to imagine the feeling of my mother’s hand on Esmee’s cheek instead of mine. I could not comprehend what it would have felt like to See Esmee’s tiny body falling to the floor. All I knew was that it hurt my lungs as they squeezed in a protest to my overactive imagination.

 

“I am not afraid of people like your mother Mi.”

 

Well you should be. I am scared to death of her and if you were sensible you would be too,” I confirmed. “I mean what the hell possessed you to stand in front of me like that? Do you not understand what could have happened to you? Any sane person would have run a mile!” I am not sure why I shouted at Esmee. I didn’t really feel any real anger towards her. I think it was more fear that made me feel like I needed to yell at her more than anything.

 

“You’re worth protecting Mi,” Esmee whispered.

 

“No I’m not!” I shouted making all the other people in the A&E jump slightly while mothers called their children to come and sit on their laps so they could wrap their arms tightly around their wastes in protection. They would have all done the same for their children if someone had come at them with the intention of violence. They would have sprayed their bodies out in front of them to protect them from the monsters that lurked in the world. They would have all stood on the front line like soldiers to protect the innocence of the young. Mine, she was the drunken one that had been manoeuvred by force out of the A&E by security – she was the gunman they all feared and because I shared her last name and her bad blood I was her bullets.

Chapter 224: Please just give me an excuse to restrain your ass… or let Emmet turn you into his catch of the day; your choice.

Esmee

 

I was not a person that was into physical combat. I did not get myself into situations when I wasn’t entirely sure I was not going to come out of it with all of my face and teeth in tact but I had become a nurse to the venerable. I had signed a contract that said I would do my best to serve, care for and protect the children that where placed into my care and that was what I was doing by placing my very short body in between Mi and her mother, who’s height looked like it could rival Emmet’s if she was put in a pair of killer high hills.

 “Ms Dorado,” I said trying to summons some real authority from within me while secretly wishing I was wearing my own pair of killer heals, “I of course do not mind you talking to your daughter but at the moment I am legally responsible for Mi and I will not allow you to hurt her. Now I understand that you are upset about the death of your oldest daughter but Mi is also devastated by the loss of her sister and I will not allow her to stand around and listen to some rubbish about her killing her when I was under the impression that it was crush injuries to her chest cause by her car that did the damage.”

 “And who the fucking hell do you think you are?” Ms Dorado snapped at me her eyes glaring into mine as her hands twitched nervously by her sides prepared by the brain to lash out at the first command. She could have had me on the floor in seconds. Bleeding, probably missing a few teeth and supporting a convincing black eye if I wasn’t careful and quick. Of course Emmet would then spend the rest of his life hunting her down like a prize dear and I may have got free plastic surgery for the crocked nose that only I saw in the mirror but that sounded all rather painful and beside, Emmet liked my nose.

 “If I want to talk to my fucking daughter I damn well will and there is damn sure nothing that you will do to stop me,” She spat, a cruel smile on her face, “and she did kill her sister, Arabella bended over backwards for that brat and still she was evil, cutting herself and sleeping around, I bet you she didn’t tell you she’s been knocked up before, filthy slut, and then she had the nerve to complain and cry and moan and whine when she lost the little bastard.”

 I had to fight a feral growl that fought its way to my lips trying to pull them back over my teeth, suddenly I wasn’t scared anymore; I was just waiting for an excuse because her standing in front of me was part of the reason that Mi had come to hate herself so fully.

Chapter 223: A&E should have Esmee sized holes.

Instinctively I took a step back almost tripping over Esmee before I even had time to sum up the situation in my mind. I had learnt from a far to earlier age that my mother brought pain, even more so when she was drunk and here she was absolutely hammered.

"Hay Mi, what the matter honey?” Esmee asked gently turning around to try and see me and of course that was when she saw me, her eyes homing in on me like a missile from across the room  and all at once  I found myself in the firing line.  My body froze in panic as my brain tried to work out the escape route from my current situation and almost more importantly if there was somewhere I could hide Esmee It wasn’t because I was ashamed of her or even what she was in relation to me but I did, no - matter what - have to protect her.  Unfortunately there were no Esmee size holes big enough nearby to stuff her into and no window open enough to prove as an avenue for my escape. My brain became panicked, making every nerve ending in me so alive it almost hurt. My breath caught in my throat making it hard to breath.

 “Mia… Mia. My little Mia.  It’s been so long darling, come here.”  My mother called loudly from her wheelchair with her arms wide open ready for a hug, making the rest of the A&E turn to stare at her in their distaste. “That there,” She continued on to hiccup while pointing at me while trying to not fall of off her chair, “That tiny beautiful thing there, is my daughter.” She confirmed making every one of the people who had been staring at her turn to stare at me, “That there is Mia.”

 The air squeezed out of my lungs and I retreated to the wall gluing my back up against it while trying to hold on with my fingernails to the flat paint work once again hoping beyond nothing else that it would open up and there would be something to fall through, preferably all the way down to the center of the earth.

 “What’s the matter Mia? No hug for your Mummy?” My mother yelled drunkenly in the background of my head as the world began to swim around me, the wall no longer a solid place for me to hold onto, my legs no longer steady enough to support my upper body and my lungs that were no longer large enough for me to pull all the air in that I now required.

 "Come on Mia you owe me this one. After what you did to her, after how you killed Arabella!” My mother yelled again angrily now and before I knew it I saw her scrambling off of her wheelchair and hobbling over to my direction the alcohol in her body masking the pain that should have been coming from her ankle. She had the same mad red twinge glinting out from her chocolate eyes like somehow the curser in her vision had locked onto her target like a robot would and she was coming for me, showing no mercy to anything or anyone that got in her way.  That would include Esmee who now bulked herself up and stood in front of me protectively.   The same flash of red glinting in the blackness of her eyes that was in my mothers, as always she was ready for a fight I knew she would lose.

Chapter 222: The monsters of A&E

By the time I was called in to have my X-ray the same sadness that had risen so suddenly inside me had gone. I sat silent and unmoving as my arm was prodded and pulled into the right position for the x-ray no matter how much it hurt.

 “All done Mia,” The man who had taken the X-ray said after four or five uncomfortable snap shots,” if you want to go and take a seat back in the A&E department a doctor will call you when he has had a chance to look through your films. ” He smiled going over to the door and holding it open for me signaling that it was my time to leave.

 “All right Sweetie?” Esmee smiled, as she saw me leave the room and she walked over to greet me, her hand wresting on my shoulder as I took a few deep breaths to try and make the nausea retreat that had stemmed from the pain of having my hand twisted and turned with little mercy.

 “That must have been painful,” Esmee observed, concerned, as she once again brushed her fingertips gently over the still forming bruise on my wrist. “It will be OK soon though, I will pester the doctor to prescribe you something for the pain that we can give you back at the unit as well,” she confirmed.

 “It’s Ok really,” I lied. “I’m sure it’s just a bruise or something, it doesn’t hurt all that much,” I tried to say confidently as we wandered back up through the corridor towards the big automatic doors that lead into the bright A&E. A&E had now become even fuller with more people running around than when we had been in the X-ray department but my eyes narrowed in on one. Sat in a wheelchair on the end of the roll of seats where I was meant to be sitting and waiting, swaying from side to side slightly from her still intoxicated state as she called over and over again for a nurse who ignored her.  It was my mother

Chapter 221: this too shall pass

 “Well you know the deal,” The nurse finally said, handing me a red card with my name and date of birth written on the top. “Head off down to X-ray then come back and take a seat in the waiting room. The doctor will call you when he can, it may be a bit of a wait though,” Kim almost growled as she trusted the form into Esmee’s hands.

“I’m not allowed to give you Paracetamol or ibuprofen though, it’s written down not to,” Kim smiled. It seemed that the only thing that would soften her up was the fact that I was going to spend the foreseeable near future in a great deal of pain; and this woman was a nurse?

 I got up silently and edged towards the door that Esmee held open for me and slipped through before turning around and trying to judge how big my body had to be to get through the gap. Of course it was almost impossible to judge, but I had little else to go on those days. I had been 94lb around six stone ten, but that was ten days ago, so it might as well have been  ten years for all the accuracy it really had now.   If I had my choice I would still be on the scales at least four times a day; making sure that the tiny little red needle headed down and not up.  All I knew now was six ten had terrified me and now I was bigger, probably by a good couple of pounds. I felt like screaming, at that rate I would be at least seven stone probably more by the end of the month.

 We reached the X-ray waiting room before I even had time to register that we were moving and Esmee handed the big red form over to another bored looking receptionist that sat behind a window in a wall Chewing on gum. He whacked details of patients into the computer, before pointing impatiently at a sign for Esmee to read; “seen in order of priority and not arrival”.  It might as well have said “You will get seen when you get seen, so stop bothering the gum chewing receptionist, it throws him off his chewing record.”

 “Come on honey, take a seat.” Esmee said sweetly after she pulled a face at the receptionist behind his back and growled something to herself about any trained monkey…

“I’m sorry they can’t give you any pain killers Mi, I am sure the doctor will prescribe something you can take though, just try to keep it as still as possible and it won’t hurt as much.” She said gently stroking her fingertips very softly over the top of the dark red bruise that had already formed there.

 The truth was I hardly noticed the pain in my wrist. It grumbled somewhere under the surface as another annoyance amongst everything, but it was not hurting like it should have been and I knew pain killers would not make any difference; well not in the quantities they planned to give them to me anyway.

 Stiffly I curled my good hand underneath the bottom of the red plastic waiting room chair until it went numb and stared not blinking at the plain cream wall opposite me, trying not to pay any attention to Esmee or anything else. There used to be a time when inducing the numbness to come that way was easy; almost instinctual.  However now it would not come and before I knew it far from becoming emotionless I felt great waves of wet tears splash down over the side of my face and no matter how much I tried I could not stop my bottom  lip turning down and my chest heaving upwards. What was worse was I could not run and I could not hide as my eyes became paralyzed on the spot on the wall, something inside still believing that if I concentrated enough I could stop the pain that engulfed me right then. What was even worse than that was the fact the outburst of tears had no real trigger, and I had no answer to give Esmee when she inevitably asked me “what was wrong.”

 “You’re OK honey,” Esmee said gently releasing my fingers from under the rim of the plastic chair and squeezing them in her hand instead, while her other hand came up and brushed the tears off of my face with her fingertips.  I turn to look at her; the brief seconds of eye contact burning something in the back of my head.

“You’re going to be OK,” She confirmed softly but confidently smiling gently as she continued to brush the tears drops away from the side of my face. “It will pass soon, I promise.”

“Why am I crying, I hate this!” I moaned to her, she seemed to know more about my inability to become numb than I did, “What is wrong with me?”

 Esmee laughed gently; “Why do you think there is something wrong with you? Why do you need a reason to be unhappy? These things just happen sometimes. I get it, and it’s better than trying to keep it locked away.   All you have to do is hold on tight Mi,” Esmee promised giving my hand a gentle squeeze of reassurance, “I promise this to will pass.” 

Chapter 220: My undeniable protector

Mi

 

“Mia Dorado!” A broad shouldered, stern faced Nurse shouted scanning the waiting room 0f the A&E for me about twenty minutes after Esmee had signed me in at the reception. The receptionist had been a nice looking elderly woman who regarded me with kind eyes as Esmee turned over all my personal information to her with ease and for the first time I hadn’t felt like that my presence in the A&E was about as welcome as finding half a spider in your half consumed salad.  However the nurse that now looked around the waiting room for me looked like she could eat me in one bite and given half the chance she would have quite liked to do exactly that.

 I shrank back into the chair trying to make myself invisible in the face of her, hoping that somehow there was a trap door in the back of the cushion that I could slip my body through into nothingness. or at the very least I hoped I could develop the super power of being able to camouflage myself.  However Esmee had other ideas and with a bright voice she called out that we were coming, before getting to her feet and pulling me up by my good arm so the nurse could see me. Great.

 I heard the nurse huff from over the side of the waiting room as I slowly dragged my feet towards her debating whether I could make a dash for the door before Esmee jumped me from behind. The odds were not good so I continued my slow condemned walk into the triage room hoping for yet more trap doors to develop and take me from the floor instead. No pain could be bad enough for me to face this terrifying nurse head on again.

 I had met this nurse before. I had met Kim Burrows, Senior A&E nurse many, many times before as I found myself falling through the doors of the emergency department. Every time I came her hatred for my frequent attendance grew until I thought I heard her actually threatening to finish the job for me to another nurse if she caught me in there again after trying to end my life. What I most remembered about it was that it hurt and I didn’t really know why. Maybe I had always hoped, just a tiny bit that there where people out there who cared whether I was hurting, whether I was choosing to live or die. That there where people out there who cared whether I was digging metal into my skin just to move through the days. that there where people out there who at least wondered why I went on to tie things around my neck so tight I passed out because in fact nothing made my life worth living.

 “So how can I help you this time?” Kim growled not even bothering to face either Esmee or myself but directing all her anger at the keyboard on the computer in front of her as I took my seat on the very lonely chair next to the desk in the triage room.

 I wasn’t sure what kept me from talking but even though at that moment both Kim and Esmee expected me to talk I could not get the words to come out my mouth. How could I explain to this person - who so clearly hated me - how bad I felt inside? How could I convince her the pain that I had felt, that the crazy shouting in my head had been enough to make me want not only just to brake my wrist but every bone in my body over and over again  until I could become still? She would not understand anyway, I was just there to waste time and money in her eyes.

 “Well Mia!” Kim hissed turning away from the screen in front of her to glare at me. Glancing at the screen I saw she had already wrote “self-inflicted” and “BPD” in the alert box. Was I that stupid and predictable? Something inside me ripped apart, she might as well have written Attention seeking lunatic, Approach with kettle prod for safety. I debated running again.

 “Mi has hurt her hand,“ Esmee said jumping in as she saw the fear in me explode and the tears settle in both my eyes as I stared into Kim‘s eyes like a rabbit would into head lights. “We think she might have fractured the metacarpal on the far right side of her wrist. I am a nurse by the way and not just making this up as I go along” Esmee smiled, her smile which could melt the heart of the wicked witch of the west but still it was not enough to work on the icy features of Kim.

 “I take that it was self-inflicted,” she groaned hitting the keys on her computer so hard I thought she might actually go through them as my inside crumbled more. I pressed my fingers to my eyelids trying to remove the tears in them before they could fall. After all I deserved this. I had done this.

 “Did any of us say that?” Esmee asked confused. “Surly that isn’t something that just should be assumed, anyway, I saw what happened, Mi tripped on the last step of the stairs and fell over landing on her wrist.” Esmee explained coolly winking at me subtly out the corner of her eye.

“I think maybe she could do with some pain medication as well.” Esmee also suggested, her lips creeping up into an amused smile as she saw Kim’s annoyance growing.  Suddenly it had become clear to me that Esmee was annoyed with her too and this was her way of a subtle own back.

 “Of course, I will get some in a bit. “ Kim practically growled while pulling her face up into a sarcastic smile which Esmee returned even though I could see her shoot lightning out of her shouldering black eyes. I knew right then that she was fighting for me, and she always would protect me and save me whenever she could. It wasn’t just because she was a nurse and my name had happened to be pulled out of the hat when I had come to stay. She was pushing forward and taking the bullets without even asking for gratitude from me because for some reason she though that as I person I was worth saving. It was simple in her eyes - I was not a patient or a number on a folder, I was a real living and breathing person with feeling and a soul. It was also simple to me right then too. Esmee had become my undeniable protector.

Chapter 219: it is = it is OK

The yelp that that escaped mi’s lips was instantaneous with the snapping and Mi toppled to the floor holding on to her wrist and swearing under her breath.

 “All right, it’s all right,” I soothed bending down on my knees next to her shortly followed by Emmet as I rushed to her aid, “It’s all right honey, it’s all right, we are going to sort it out.” As gently as I could I wrapped my arm around her shoulders while trying to steal glances at her damaged wrist that she cradled in her other hand protecting it from further damage.

 “Can I have a look honey?” Emmet asked reaching out to take her hand into his but she shied away from him cuddling her injured hand in even closer to her chest and hiding it from view her eyes suspicious of his intensions. Of course this is what we had done by forcing her to have the nebulizer, she had forgiven us, but we had efficiently struck down some of the trust she had in us but what else could I have done. As it was she had a broken wrist and some lost trust, if I hadn’t done what I had, she would have been in a hospital bed in intensive care, or worse dead.

 “I’m fine,” Mi moaned, “It’s just a little bruising, it will go away soon.”  All her anger was gone now and her eyes fought back tears from the pain. She had won in some ways. She had taken revenge on the body that betrayed and hurt her but it was always going to be the body got its own back right away.

 "No it isn’t, that is causing you a lot of pain and I would like to see what you have done.” Emmet said gently leaning forward and smoothing her hair behind her ears staring into her eyes trying to reach her like he had done with me so many times before.

 “I don’t want to,” Mi said stiffly the pain even registering in her voice that she could not keep steady against the winning tears, “I don’t want to do this all over again. It’s OK; It has to be OK because I don’t want it to get better. I don’t want another cast and painkillers. It has to be Ok,” Mi moaned.” Because it’s just how it is like everything. It all has to be OK whatever happens.

 “Mi some things just aren’t Ok.” I said gently removing my arm from around her shoulders and shuffling my body around so I could see her face while I spoke, What she was saying had little to do with her arm injury in reality and more to  sedate her mind into bottling up the abuse again. “A lot of things that happen are not OK at all. I think you have broken your wrist and that isn’t OK and nothing you can do or day is going to make it become that way, just like the way he abused you in a vial and despicable way and that will never ever be OK.

 “I made my choice. I chose air at the price of forced oral sex and that has to be OK now because I can’t go back and change my choice, like I can’t stop my wrist from hurting or making that first cut or allowing Arabella to drive me somewhere that afternoon. It all has to be OK now,” Mi hissed barley containing her voice as it cracked with the tears.

 “None of those things are Ok Mi and they never will be. Just because you can’t change something doesn’t mean that that something has to automatically become acceptable. It just means we have to find ways to live with things that were really bad. As for you making the wrong choice between receiving medication and giving out oral sex against your will and you dying… you have to realise that it wasn’t your choice that was wrong, it was the situation. Either choice that you had made in response to that completely unacceptable proposition would have been a bad one. You had zero chance of making it out of that unharmed.” I said as softly as I could yet forcefully hoping that my sincerity could be forced through the whisper. “Mi, It’s not your fault.”

 ingerly Mi lent out her effected arm and allowed me to take it into mine so I could look for any obvious signs of a brake or deformity. There wasn’t anything that screamed at me but it looked painful and swelling had already begun to take over puffing up her hand and fingers.

 “Can you very gently move some of these fingers for me Mi or is the pain going to be too bad?

 Mi tried to mover her fingers for me staring intently at them with her now dark blue eyes that slowly filled up to the brim with tears and toppled down over her cheeks as she tried to make a fist with her hand.  I stopped her before she even halfway needed no more convincing of what her wrists fate had been. A knock like that on anybody’s wrist had the ability to break bones. Mi had osteoporosis that had been caused by severe malnutrition she would be lucky if she hadn’t smashed the bones into a million pieces.

 “Ok keep it still as you can and I will go and get my car keys and sign us out so we can go and get it fixed up.”

 “I don’t want to get it fixed up; I don’t want to go back to A&E again I have only just got out of that place. Can’t another nurse give me a second opinion or something? Mi asked desperately trying to mover her wrist while blocking the pain. I winced and grabbed hold of it again, gently supporting it in my arms to stop her from moving it. Even if she didn’t mind, the thought of her broken bones crunching together made me feel sick.

 “So can any nurse give you this second opinion?” Emmet asked the subtlest of smiles creeping across his jaw bone that only I could see.  I had been trained to look for and even feel his emotions for years.

 “Yes.”

 “And if they say you need an X-ray you will go without trouble?”

 “I suppose so,” Mi mumbled in annoyance.

 “Good. Here’s you second opinion. Registered nurse Emmet bear thinks you need an X-ray!” Emmet chuckled.

 

Mi rolled her eyes but admitted defeated and even gave us the gift of a very small smile as our reward.