Chapter 239 : He didn't save me

 Sophie screamed. She had five thousand things to shout at me for and she was going to say them at the same time. She felt every emotion a human on earth had ever learnt to feel. She was angry and delighted, sad yet happy and she channelled them all through me making my body feel like it was about to explode.

 "I told you this would happen Mia. I told you!  You stopped listening to me and now look! Look at your body look at that fat! I told you I would make you thin but you gave in! So tell me how it feels! Tell me how it feels to be so fat……You bought this on yourself of course Mia. You ate all that food. I told you what you could eat! I told you how many calories you could have and you didn’t’t listen to me! I told you no more than 250 a day but you throw that in my face and you ate! You ate you fat ugly cow!...... “I was your only friend Mia, I told you that. I was the only one you could trust. I was going to make you thin and beautiful and perfect. I was going to make people love you again but who could love you now who could love all that fat?... Mia!... Mia! … MIA!”

 “Just stop for a second,” I begged as I buried through my bag to try and find the tampons that had just fallen out.

 "You don’t have a second to waste idiot! Don’t you realize how bad this is? Look what you have done to yourself. Your fat and it’s your fault! You are lazy and fat and that is why no one likes you. You were just good as daddy’s little fuck doll and even then he only used you because there was nothing better. You’re dirty and you will never be clean! Fuck doll! Fuck doll!”

 Tears dripped from my eyes as I pulled my PJ bottoms back up and they clung to my waist snugly. They used to be my biggest ones, they used to fall around my ankles and now they fitted perfectly to lard. It would take at least months to get back to 75lbs. It was too long. I wanted out.

 “Mi, you have been in there a while. Are you feeling all right sweet? It’s just someone will need to check on you soon it’s been fifteen minutes.” I wanted to sob to him. I wanted to run to the door swing it open and throw myself into his arms and hold on tight. I wanted him to make it better, but he had been the one to do this. He had used words and tubes to fatten me up and he had succeeded. He was the enemy. He was the best damn thing in my life.

 “I’m done now,” I said in a strained voice as I tried to negotiate the tube in my throat. I had never felt it before until that moment, but now it was chocking me, depriving my lungs of breath and making me shake.

 “Tell me what’s happened baby?” Emmet said as he regarded my body in the doorway of the bathroom. He was what happened. He and the rest of them had made me the disgusting bleeding lump that I was. I didn’t need any of them. I need you to read my mind, I need you to chase her away before she banishes you. You can save me! SAVE ME!

 “I’m fine. I am exactly what you want me to be right.  I’m over 100lb and healthy and happy. My trousers are tight on me and I have a tube up my nose that is pumping in pure lard and I can’t move without causing an earthquake anymore, but you and the rest of the dictators have it under control right.” I am scared, I am out of control and I don’t know how to get it back. God damn it save me!

 “Mirrors got to you today then. That’s OK. I can see that it’s going to be a rough breakfast but we can work with that.”

 “Yeah, I’m not going to breakfast, like ever, or lunch or tea or snacks. I’m fat I’m disgusting and I am worthless. I couldn’t care if I get so thin I die. That was the entire point idiot!” I yelled as the tears spiraled around my eyes and lingered on my bottom eyelashes. It wasn’t just about being thin. It was never just about being thin. It was more than that. It was about purity and escape. If I was thin enough I could leave myself behind. It was about control as well. It was one of the only things that I had to hold onto. I could be in control of what I weighed and they had taken it away. The tears weren’t for the fat. It was for the part of me that I had lost.

 “You’re feeling suicidal as well? I have a few alarm bells ringing in my head. Actually I have a whole chorus of alarm bells ringing inside my head. Mi, where do I go from here?”

“If you were kind to me you would buy me a bottle of pills a few razor blades and provide me a room where I wouldn’t be disturbed for a few hours, but I can’t see you doing that. You probably have a color in mind Emmet you might as well use it.”

 “I’m quite fond of the color red in these situations Mi, at least for a few hours anyway, maybe we can try and settle down some of those demons as well, because breakfast or any meal isn’t up for discussion.

 “No your right,” I said quietly with a small nod that made two fat tears crash over my cheeks. He hadn’t read my mind or heard the silent pleas that I had been yelling out; he didn’t even battle for my heart, so I handed it to Sophie. “I’m not eating, and you can’t make me.