Chapter 266 : After all these years she haunts me

Leo exhaled loudly as he walked away from me running his fingers through his styled hair like I had told him something life altering. Anyone would have thought that I was dying from the look on his face. I felt hurt. I understood his reaction but it was the last thing that I wanted. He was meant to help me. He was meant to calm me down and tell me that it was all going to be OK, I had almost been relying on it.

“It’s not that bad. You must be fucking awful in the A&E if you react like that every time you come across someone who is struggling. I am fine; I’m just a bit shaky. I need some distraction.” My head screamed. I wasn't OK. I didn't just want distraction I wanted comfort. My head was a mess. I had lied to my amazing husband, I had been left feeling raw with the memories I never wanted to remember and I knew that something was happening at work with Mi and Emmet. I tried to take some deep breaths around the elastic bands that stopped my chest expanding in the right ways. I wasn’t going to get any respite from  the feelings with Leo

“I told you, I don’t deal with metal health well. I just call the people I need to if it wonders into my work place.”

“Then you should learn how to do it!” they are not freaks Leo! They are real people with real emotions and you can take it from me it feels horrible. Really fucking horrible !” I rubbed the side of my arms roughly trying to discharge the electricity that fluttered on the top of my skin before skulking past him back to the table where my blade lingered on the floor. Even with him there something inside me itched to just do what was needed. It mattered but hardly enough that my friend was in the same room and my daughter was upstairs being put down for her nap in a way it almost helped. They were things to fall back on when it all eventually fell apart at the end of the cutting.

I moved my legs up and down under the table as I clutched my hands onto the edge of the table as Leo went about continuing to make the tee that I had half completed.

“I don’t understand why you need to do this?” Leo confirmed as a placed a bright pink mug with the words world’s best mummy written in black outlined yellow bubble writing. “I want to be better at this. I really do and believe it or not I am not heartless at work I do try but it is really hard when you have no personal idea.”