“I don’t do nebulizers.” I protested firmly as Emmet squeezed the medicine into the pot on the
nebulizer and attached the tubes to the machine placing it onto a work station
next to me. He ignored my protest still
not aware at how serious I was and tried to pull the green elastic of the mask
over the back of my head.
My head boiled over and my body snapped and before I could even stop
myself or get my brain to digest what I was asking of it I jumped off of the
doctors bench squeezed my body passed Emmet’s ducked Esmee’s feeble attempt to
stop me and retreated into the corridor before discovering I could go no further
even if I wanted to. My lungs dragged my body down into a swirling vortex onto
the ground were I sat gasping feebly at the air around me.
“Well that got you far didn’t it,” Emmet commented almost harshly as he
came out of the clinic room and stood over my body with his hands on his hips.
I could suddenly feel what an ant must have when faced with a human child and its
ant hill. Emmet was scary when he wanted to be. So scary I wanted to scream or
beg or shout at him but the noise was lost inside me. “Come on get back in here
now,” He demanded holding the door of the clinic room open with one hand and
gesturing with his head.
“Oh stop being so grizzly, not everyone knows you as well as I do and I
am assuming to them your shear mass could be intimidating. I know you are a
teddy bear but still simmer down will you,” Esmee groaned rolling her eyes in a
way Crystal would be proud of before she squatted down in front of me and
hocked the hair that was in my face over my shoulder before reattaching the
clip to my finger.
“We have a duty of care towards you honey. Now this number here shows
the saturation of oxygen in your blood,” Esmee said pointing at the red number
at the top of the hand held device.
“Normally this is between nighty five and one hundred and that’s when we
guys are happy. When it gets below that we are going to want to be giving you
oxygen and when it gets below 90 we should calling an ambulance to get you over
the hospital ASAP because you are in
real danger. Your saturation in at 88% and you have an audible wheeze on your
chest and just by looking at you I can see all these mussels in your neck and chest working extra hard to
inflate and deflate your lungs. We need to give you some medication to make easier
for you. So how about we get you back into the clinic room and sorted out.”
My mind pulled in two different directions Logic and raw emotion. I was
not stupid I knew how the end looked in this situation. Esmee had syringed
black hell into my mouth even when it hurt her. To save my life she reacted and
here she would do it again if it was needed. Emmet would restrain me locking my
arms around my back and Esmee would attach the mask to my face and push the
button. It was horrifying to me but
maybe secretly that is what I wanted - The choice to be taken out of my hands.
If it happened that way I was not selling my soul, it was being forcibly taken
from me and they were stronger than me so I couldn’t fight them off. I was the
victim either way. There was no way I could be accountable for my decision. There
was a part of me though that wanted to stand up and scream no at them, that it was my choice in the world
to receive treatment and they couldn’t make me. There was a part of me that
just wanted to breathe. All of me just hurt
from my very core.
“Come on, up you get, back inside Mi, we are out of time.” Esmee grabbed
one of my arms and Emmet grabbed the other pulling me to my feet and helping me
back into the room. Emmet let go of me first and hopped up onto the bench in a kneeling
position. The place between his legs would be the area where my body would land
up being in seconds weather I liked it or not. I had the choice weather his
arms comforted or restrained. For once it was in my control but I wasn’t really
sure I wanted it. I was lost.
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