How does the world go on?
We sat for a
while after that and didn’t say a thing Emmet calmed quickly. He was not healed
in any way he did not feel better however he had always been in more control
then I was. I had no real tears. I had no energy to really shout or scream. I
just wanted it to be over. To wake up from this bad dream.
Mia had grown
annoyed of being annoyed and had settled with drawing in Weetabix remains with
her fingers on the tray of her high chair. She was a good girl really. She was
perfect at least she was too young to remember Mi. At least we wouldn’t have to
explain to her if… if it happened.
I don’t know
what prompted Emmet to get up when he did or if he even wanted to but he did
get to his feet so he was one more step ahead of me. I was still content with
sitting on the floor. The world didn’t feel the same.
“Well who’s a
mucky ducky then? You know that is meant to go in your mouth right?” Emmet
smiled approaching Mia’s high chair. She smiled back before dropping her spoon
into her plate sending Weetabix to splash up onto her already covered face. She
giggled.
“Well this is
not what we had planned but a think a bath is in order missy, and you…” Emmet
continued turning to me “must be shattered why don’t you head up to bed and try
to get some sleep?”
Sleep? How
could I sleep? I was so tired I could sleep for a week but I knew that was
going to be impossible. I could not rest until I at least knew, and if it was
the worse, if it would stand to be that the only thing that was left was a
photo and a memory I would probably never be able to sleep again.
“Sleep?” I
almost laughed. “That would be a fine thing. I doubt I will ever be able to
sleep again.” I didn’t want to but I got to my feet anyway. “I think I will
live of coffee instead.” I approached the kettle in a sluggish movement. The
gaps between where I was and where I was meant to be had somehow seemed to have
grown. How could a few steps feel like I had to complete a marathon?
“You need to
look after you too honey and pumping yourself so high on caffeine isn’t doing
that. No matter what happens now not matter how sad life has to continue for
the rest of us. Mia is here and Apple gate house is still standing and still
has people inside that need you now. They always have. Everyone knows you are
the best nurse that has ever graced that building.”
I was about
to argue with him. I was capable. I wasn’t brilliant. Maybe if I was. I would
have spotted something. Was there something? Something in the way that she
moved, or in the tone of her voice? The expression on her face?
“You could
drive yourself insane overthinking this Esmee. There were no signs or warnings.
She was not wearing a flashing light. Mi mad a decision and she hid it from all
of us and she hid it damn well. She had practice. Her world was just too hard
for her. I hope she lives. Hell I hope she lives and if she dose we will try
again and again. We will never give up however you need to be well an in
control for when she wakes up.”
“Hello… guys,
it’s only us. Can we come in?” I jumped as our front door opened and Leo and
Lenny’s voice shouted up the hallway. It wasn’t uncommon for them to drop in
and maybe right now it was a good thing. Mia needed attention and I was not
really up to giving it. Emmet could Emmet was brilliant but I needed him too.
How selfish was that?
